Monday, January 10, 2005

Pity Thyself

Self-pity is one of the worst feelings. Pain dissipates, sadness passes, anger fades, disappointment is surpassed. Self-pity lingers; it latches on to you and ingrains itself into your daily cognitive processes, slowly eating away at pre-established structures of self-esteem, confidence, and happiness.

I consider myself a fairly confident person with respect to who I am: I generally have moderate to high self esteem, more so/less so in certain areas - as most individuals do. On the relatively rare occasions where I start feeling bad for myself, the pity is particularly damaging. It's like a virus that floats through the blood-stream, attacking any self-confidence cells. Eating away at them painfully slowly until a persistent sense of doubt is implanted. In one instance where someone I had mistakenly trusted demonstrated why this was an error in judgment on my part, I now find myself doubting almost all other relationships that I have with people.

Add that to a torn tendon in my foot with a possible stress fracture, and you get one unhappy neurotic psych student. Fortunately, it's not as bad as it sounds. There are quite a few positive things in my life right now - enjoying my classes (pre-stress period, of course), I'm going on a 2 week trip to Turkey and Greece on a cruise ship with a friend in May, and I can still count on a few friends to be there for me.

The trick is to up the endogenous anti-self-pity white blood cells to battle off the virus. Whenever you feel that nagging sensation of doubt, put it in check and examine it from another perspective. Easier said than done, clich├ęs be damned, but nevertheless effective if you try hard enough.

I'm now going to take my poor little torn-tendon mistrusting self off to kitchen for dinner. Yay.

Listening to: The Remedy - Jason Mraz


At 9:20 AM , Blogger SomeDude said...

Trust in yourself, Jo.


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