Heavier Things

OMG WTF BBQ

2008-02-09T14:52:00.000-05:00

I can't remember the last time I was this social in my life.

Oddly enough, I've managed to forge a new group of work-related friends who seem to be able to bring out the social party animal in me. Recently it's been party, after party, after ski outing, after love/sex week dirty trivia night. I'm now waking up hungover in the middle of the week, realizing I forgot to change the time on my alarm and thus have slept right through the weekly lab meeting. I'm really not complaining.

Things are going really well with my PhD research: the results are exploding right now, and are looking very promising for a quickly up-coming publication. I know what I'm doing, I like what I'm doing, and I know there's always more experiments to come. I like going to conferences and networking, and I'm even starting to enjoy presenting (OMG WTF?).

It wasn't too long ago where I was counting down the days to where I'd be finished with school and out into the real world. And while I'm still looking forward to actually making money, I've also found myself hoping these good times can keep on going. I like making my own schedule, I like that I'm productive and independent, and I like that I feel confident and comfortable. How things have changed.

Some things have changed in the not-so-good way, but those issues are being worked out. And you always learn something from negative situations, either about yourself or about other people. I've done both - and in the long run, I'm glad of it.

I have a lot of things to look forward to in the next wee while: club night tonight, ski trip soon, a friend from undergrad coming up from Waterloo to visit, a conference, a trip out to Calgary to see my brother and sister-in-law, and a trip somewhere this summer (either Peru/Chile or Scandinavia).

Besides the fact that I still feel way too old, life is pretty good right now. I hope things are going well for the rest of you :)

mwah!

Continuum

2007-12-02T20:27:00.000-05:00

Shock of all shocks: I'm aliiiiiive! Blogless, but alive.

The typical explanation: busy with school (I'm now officially a PhD student and recently went to San Diego for the annual Society for Neuroscience conference), busy with life, just busy busy busy. Except when I'm being lazy and sitting on my ass for an entire day (how I love Sundays).

Sad fact is I don't ever really think about posting anymore - and I sincerely doubt there's anyone who really cares. heh. (Except you, Andy!)

I will keep the blog up, maybe at some point I will feel the need to make more regular posts about something more interesting than my perpetual on-going quarter life crisis. But for now, I am saying hasta luego.

I hope you all are well!

xoxo

Stop This Train

2007-06-29T10:51:00.000-04:00

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun.

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Stop This Train - John Mayer, Continuum

Another year, another birthday past. I'm 24. I don't know how I got this old, but I know it scares me.

For every entry that I accomplish on my my mentally constructed list of Things To Do Before I Die, at least 3 new entries are added. It just keeps growing and time keeps passing, and it leaves me dragging my fingernails through the dirt in a vain hope that I can slow it down and somehow stop time so I can relax and enjoy the moment.

I like my life right now, I like where I am, and this is exactly why the sheer light-speed at which time passes is really starting to worry me. I'm still young, but time is running out on being able to enjoy being young.

Summers off are already a thing of the past; the time for mini skirts and impromptu clubbing outings is rapidly passing by; the chances I will have to blow my savings and take time off for trips to Europe and South America and wherever else are running out. I'm too young to be old!

With another birthday and the transfer to my PhD, it seems like I'm in the midst of a quarter-life crisis. Thankfully it is Canada Day weekend, so I can go to a barbecue and totally shitfaced with other people in a complete socially acceptable way!

Ventura Highway

2007-05-19T19:42:00.000-04:00

So with the novelty of facebook wearing off (after the utter weirdness of coming back into contact with people I haven't seen/heard from in 12+ years), summer is quickly approaching.

I'm also almost done with deadlines for this past scholastic year. Earlier this week I attended the Essence of Memory conference, partially organized by my supervisor. It brought together many important memory researchers from all over the world. I got the chance to present my research in a poster session, and met quite a few interesting people.

The man who co-discovered long-term potentiation (the presumed biological substrate for memory), Timothy Bliss, actually sat at our table during the banquet dinner. It was a pretty surreal experience - the nerdier Neuroscience equivalent of meeting John Lennon or James Dean.

Next week I'm off to Toronto for the Canadian Association for Neuroscience conference. I'll be there for a week, going to more talks and also presenting my research again. I'll be meeting up with some friends from my undergrad while I'm there, so at least I'll have a little fun!

I also just finished writing my research paper that will transfer me to my PhD - I just have to make corrections and finally hand it in. Then it'll be official.

Busy busy busy. Another year gone. Another year closer to death. heh. Morbid much? At least it's sunny and warm, so it's hard to be too maudlin these days.

And after the Toronto conference, I'm off to Cuba for a week - for beach, books, booze, and sleep. I can barely wait to get away! I hope all of you are doing well :)

I Succumbed

2007-04-20T15:45:00.000-04:00

So if y'all have been wondering where I've been and why I haven't posted in a month or so, there is a quite benign though slightly sad explanation (even though I highly doubt that anyone is sitting in a corner, crying and shivering, going through Jo-blog update withdrawal).

The explanation is this: I got sucked in to joining facebook.

That is all.

It is a monumentally effective time waster. If you haven't yet joined, be strong! Hold out if you actually have work that needs to get done!

With that said, I'm now off to enjoy this spectacularly gorgeous warm and sunny weather - finally! Have a good weekend everyone :)

I miss you! Help me...

Research

2007-03-29T19:46:00.000-04:00

So what is it that I do on a daily basis? Basically, this:

The above is an example of one of my cells. All three of them are the same cell - to make an extremely complicated cellular/molecular story simple, I inject the DNA of the protein I want to study right into the nucleus of these sensory neurons (the nucleus is essentially that empty black space in the middle that you can see in the green picture). The DNA then gets translated into my protein, and is expressed in the cell.

Then I can manipulate various things and look at the results.

The DNA has this tag on it that makes it fluoresce in red under the confocal microscope. The green is a similarly tagged antibody that I use to look at some functions of the protein under various conditions. The last picture is a merge of red and green filters.

This is a gorgeous example of the neurites (cell processes) that grew in culture from one particular experiment:

If you're bored already, I give you free and entirely understood permission to stop reading and/or let your eyes slowly glaze over as I so often do when my supervisor starts talking extensively over my head (which is a daily event).

The protein that I study is an atypical isoform of protein kinase C (PKC). This is a model which partially explains the role my protein may have in memory processes:

That little question mark in the motor neuron is thought to be the role of PKCs.

So yeah, fun stuff isn't it? (Hey, I heard that!)

The Alchemist

2007-03-20T19:41:00.000-04:00

As my creme brulee sits under the boiler, caramelizing the topping of a wee sprinkle of brown sugar, I thought I would blog about the book I'm reading right now.

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho, is actually more along the lines of a fairy tale: subtitled "A fable about following your dream". It's quite short, and yet it is very full of those life-lessons that normally take people their entire lives to realize - let alone put into action.

It can be interpreted very religiously, but that's not a necessary interpretation. I'm actually enjoying it quite a bit, it reminds you to do all of those things that you often take for granted on a daily basis. The catch is, the "daily basis" is actually your life. The entirety of your existence culminates from the "daily basis".

What's even more interesting about this book, is I bought the copy I'm reading in a second hand bookstore. The woman who read it before me (I can only assume it was a woman due to the fairly effeminate hand writing) made numerous very insightful comments in the margins. It's been really affective to have these notes to go along with the story - instantly having someones personal thoughts and reactions to the very thing that you just read.

My favourite of these comments to date is "It is always easier to go back to what is comfortable, because less space lies between what is comfortable and what is dreamed".

I am really glad I picked up this book from the second hand store, having had absolutely no idea what it was about. I most definitely recommend it to any of you!

The Kitten

2007-03-04T19:57:00.001-05:00

So my cat Ashes has been at my apartment for the weekend.

My parents dropped her off on Thursday as they were supposed to leave on vacation to Alabama on Friday. We decided that instead of having someone come in to feed the cat, that she would spend the week at my place - so she wouldn't be too lonely and be with someone familiar.

But because of a big snow storm on Friday they had to cancel their trip, and they've since rescheduled to take a one week all inclusive to the Dominican Republic (again, bastards). They are now leaving on Wednesday, and thus sticking me with the cat for another week and a half.

Let me just say that it's so far been an effing hassle. Ashes was monumentally upset when she got here, having freaked out on the car ride over. She kept me up the whole night, meowing and running around and jumping on my bed and dresser and shaking my mirror and poking me. At 4:45 am I had to lock my bedroom door and wear earplugs so as to not be kept awake any longer by her insistent meowing.

She's since mellowed a bit, having come out from under my bed (being covered in a fair amount of dust bunnies) and began eating. When my cat doesn't eat, you know there is something seriously wrong.

She now sleeps through the night on the foot of my bed, but wakes me up at 5:45 am wanting to play. During the day, she likes to stay in my room - she'll sit in front of the mirror (vain thing) and meow constantly until I come see her. Freaking demanding little thing!

At least she's insanely adorable, and it's nice to have her around at the end of the day. I am powerless in face of her gravitational cuteness - oh, and I apologize for the baby voice... it's not my fault!

Polish Overload

2007-02-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

So my date with Match Boy went well. We went out for drinks at a quaint Scotch bar - though we both opted for beer. We got along well, had nice conversation, and generally enjoyed each other's company.

With that said, there just didn't seem to be any spark/chemistry on my part. I didn't feel the excited nervousness that comes I like someone. Cliche or not, there was a very strong 'friend' vibe - it really felt like going out for drinks with a new friend.

While there doesn't seem to be a romantic match, at least I might get a friend out of the deal! I'm going out for drinks with another guy, henceforth named Dr. Guy (he's a medical resident), on Tuesday. So we'll see how that goes!

---

As for the topic - Polish Guy has unfortunately and hilariously crawled back ever so briefly into my life.

I was out with my best friend yesterday doing some shopping before seeing the new Hugh Grant movie. We're down in one of the underground food courts, just sitting and having a chat. As we're getting up to leave, guess who strolls up to us.

I instantly know it's Polish Guy, and start laughing in a "god this is going to be bad, isn't it" kind of way. He starts off asking something along the line of if my friend and I are "good smellers". I shit you not.

I look over at MC, and can tell she doesn't recognize him. And then I realize he doesn't recognize us! He then tries to tell us that he has two different colognes on his wrists, and wants us to choose the one we like best. He proceeds to shove his wrists in our faces.

The look of pure terror and disbelief on my friends face was hysterical. We both start to back away, just trying to get the hell away from this guy - while I'm frantically hoping he doesn't suddenly remember us.

As we're walking away, I tell my friend who it was, and we begin to talk about how randomly scary that was and if the "are you good smellers" line usually works on unsuspecting women.

Polish Guy is a whole new brand of completely and horrifying weirdness that I hope to never encounter again in my life. Blech!

Dreaded Presentations

2007-02-14T14:18:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday it was my turn to present my research to the group of PI's and their students at the Montreal Neurological Institute, where I work.

I had to give my first presentation last year, and if you remember, I was quite absolutely and completely terrified to do it. This year was a complete 180 degree change.

Recently, I've been feeling exponentially more confident in myself with regards to my research. Having had no background in biochem/molecular research going into the lab made for a very difficult, stressful, and self-esteem breaking experience. It took a really long time to learn the ropes and be able to confidently speak to others about what I'm doing. Last year I didn't sleep well for 2 months leading up to my MNI presentation and had frequent panic attacks.

This year I rocked it. I wasn't too nervous, had a lot more data to present, knew what I was talking about, and was able to answer the questions thrown my way.

Friday I have to give the same talk to the Psychology department as a requirement to fast-track through my Masters and right into my PhD without losing a year or having to do a candidacy exam.

I'm so glad and relieved that I finally feel comfortable and confident again. Who knows what it will be like next year, I might morph into one of those scary pretentious virulent grad students that the undergraduate community so fiercely fears. A girl can hope!

Hussy Alert!

2007-02-08T20:06:00.000-05:00

So it turns out I have a speed dating match.

Match-Boy actually turned out to be the lucky guy I dashed off to after my horrifying encounter with Polish Guy. Thankfully he was much more pleasant. We've talked and decided to go out for drinks sometime next week, and I'm looking forward to it!

Interestingly enough, turns out I will also be going out with another guy I met recently - he's a friend of someone in my lab. We had met after a bunch of us from the lab went out for drinks one night after work, and we had been keeping in touch.

Looks like I'm turning into quite the hussy! We loves it!

I'll keep you all posted ;)

My Speed Dating Experience

2007-02-01T16:17:00.000-05:00

Since my little world of graduate neuroscience research is fairly limited, I recently decided to participate in a Speed Dating event that was hosted by the graduate students' society at my University.

I figured it would be a good way to meet some new people, be able to check 'Speed Dating' off my list of Things-To-Do-Before-I-Die, and I would at least get a good story out of it. My best friend and I signed up together, so we would be able to cling to each other for emotional/moral support (and have it look slightly less pathetic when recounting the story).

The night actually ended up being a lot of fun - and I of course have an amusing story to tell you all.

There was 20 guys and 20 girls who turned up, all grad students - mostly in science related fields. The majority of the guys were from physics, which makes sense if you think of the male/female ratio in that field.

Most, with one very hilarious exception, were really nice guys. Some were really funny, some were pretty cute, some were painfully geeky, some were fairly awkward, and one was nutsycoocoo. This diamond in the rough has henceforth been labeled as Polish Guy.

This particular event was structured so the women moved from table to table, with the guys staying seated. You had 2 minutes to chat, and then moved on to the next table. If you were interested, you make a little check in the person's box and if you both checked each other's off, you get emailed the other's email address.

As I'm moving over to Polish Guy's table, already suspiciously eyeing his protruding chest hair from the top of his unbuttoned shirt with quintessential gold chain, I realize this is going to be 2 minutes too long.

He first eyes me up, from top to bottom, makes an approving/demeaning "oohh" noise, and immediately checks my box on his list. At this point all I'm thinking is 'Fuck'.

One of the first things he says, after this horrifying initial display, is to comment on how young I look. He even went as far to estimate my age at 7 years old. I smile in return, trying to pass it off as a joke and not think about any pedophiliac tendencies, and make a sarcastic comment about offensive first impressions.

The next thing I know, he's telling me to look at his chest as an answer to the question "Interesting accent, where are you from?". He promptly takes this glorious opportunity to openly stare at my chest for a good few seconds. Apparently, his gold chain had a pendant which read 'POLAND' - his country of origin. Needless to say, I wasn't about to try to locate this pendant in his peek-a-boo chest hair.

I also remember him asking me whether I like to be on top. I honestly can't recall exactly why this came up (psychological defence mechanism?), but I'm pretty sure there is no logical reason to explain any of this.

Finally, the bell rings - indicating it is time to switch tables. I thank the god of all this is holy and good, and practically knock over my chair in an attempt to get away from this dude as fast as humanly possible. Not only do I not check off his box, but I completely scratch out his number just to ensure that my information doesn't accidentally get sent to him.

I then spend the following 2 minutes talking to the next guy about how scary Polish Guy was.

At the end of the night, my friend and I compare stories - apparently she had a similar experience with Polish Guy. This made me feel better, and less singularly dirty. We now both have an amusing story to share about the perils of speed dating.

All in all, despite the Polish horror that ensued, I'm glad I decided to do it. We'll be notified of any potential matches in the next few days, so we'll see what will come of it :) I had a good time, and at least is makes for an amusing run-on blog post!

Listening to: The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani

The Crypt Keeper

2007-01-25T20:24:00.000-05:00

I am getting far too old far too fast.

This past week-end I was invited up to a friends cottage at Mont-Tremblant, a mountain ski resort about 2 hours north of the city. I used to ski there a lot when I was younger, but I sadly haven't gotten to chance in recent years. While I didn't end up skiing last week-end, I did enjoy sitting by the fire, reading, watching movies, wandering through the little town, and playing board games.

Now how does this segue into my geriatricness?

Well, Friday night my friend and I decided to head on in to the village and go dancing at one of their small and rather cozy clubs. We shared a bottle of wine, bundled up against the freezing cold and gusting wind, and walked down to the bar. Upon getting carded at the door (immediately a bad sign), we both quickly realized a very sad truth:

The average age of the club-patrons had to be around 19 years old.

During the course of the night, I got chatted up by a few boys - most of which thought I was 18 years old. One of them, at 19 himself, didn't know what a grad student was - "graduating from what?" Two of them needed their friends to approach me for them. Funniest of all, one got his friend to tell my friend to tell me that he was interested. heh. Oh how I had forgotten what it was like to be in high school!

I guess there's a slight silver lining to my aging cloud: though I'm old, at least I look young. Almost too young, as someone the other day in the elevator in my building told me I looked 14. I can't seem to win!

As for this weekend, I get to see my brother and his (squeal!) fiancee! whee! They're coming into town, and I can't wait to go bridesmaid dress shopping!

Spam Me

2007-01-07T10:12:00.000-05:00

I get the weirdest spam in my gmail account. It's only a couple here and there, but not the typical Viagra or newsletter type spam that we are all well accustomed to deleting without a second thought.

No, the spam I get goes a little something like this:

Everett Byrd SidneysEfrighten@tennesseeanytime.org

Dare to be gorgeous and unique. But don't ever be cryptic or otherwise unfathomable. Make it unforgettably great.

Andrew S. Tanenbaum, Computer Networks (2003) A customer beams with joy, and the canyon living with a briar patch leaves; however, a soggy chestnut seeks an earring about the cab driver.

and

Domingo Cain DominickwAus@stressrelease.com
It doesnt matter, Paul, he told himself again and again in those last few days before the Royal coughed up first its t and then its e, the damned thing is almost done. And she heard it - low, painful scraping sounds in the earth - not the sounds of a burrowing animal, these; these were the sounds of fingers scraping helplessly on wood.

It's a sad day indeed when I miss the comfortable usuality of sensical Viagra spam!

---

In other news: the boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. It's sucky and I'm a little sad, but it is for the best. We had been coasting along for a while without things really going anywhere, so it was time to move on. I deserve better, and I'm looking forward to dating again. I have missed that butterfly excitement of those first few dates - it's such an enjoyably awkward feeling that I always miss when things start to get comfortable.

So with a new year is a new break with new opportunities. I'm glad I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to it!

Another Year

2007-01-01T14:59:00.000-05:00

And so we move into 2007.

I hope everyone had a happy and safe New Year's, and that at least some of you are joining me in hang-over recovery land. Here's to another year - hopefully just as good, if not better, than the last!

Cheers!

Bacon, Eggs, Porn

2006-12-17T16:52:00.000-05:00

Got to love random drunken shopping lists people leave on my blackboard following a widly successful Christmas party, which ended up lasting till the wee hours of this morning.

All the fun, laughs, booze, food, insults, poker, and Cranium were well worth the excessive 2 hour hung-over clean up job I had to do this afternoon. However, I do wish I had known what a mess 15 people in various states of intoxication would manage to make in a one bedroom apartment, oi vey!

Despite the scathing looks I received from fellow tenants in the elevator as I brought down a couple of bags filled with empty booze bottles, the party was a complete blast and a terrific way to kick off the holiday season. I'm off to my parents' house tomorrow for the week, time to relax and take it easy with the family.

If I don't get around to blogging before Christmas, I hope you all have a happy and safe holiday :)

Cheers!

My Gorgeous Sexy Brain

2006-12-02T16:42:00.000-05:00

Yep, that's MY BRAIN.

I finally got the pictures back from my fMRI scan - this obviously being the anatomical MRI, not the functional scan itself.

I took this picture as a screenshot from the program that I was given to view my brain. You can pull the crossbar (which you can vaguely see in purple here) to move through different sections and views of the brain.

I have to admit that I am thoroughly in love with my brain. It's so pretty. Look at all the sexy structures! Can you name some of them that you see here? I can!

Corpus callosum
Pons
Brain stem
Cerebellum
Pituitary gland
Hypothalamus/Thalamus

Oh we loves it!

Side note: I just realized that I've been blogging here for just over 3 years. Holy crap, that's a lot of blogging. It's pretty funny to look back through the archives and skim through the last 3 years of my life - I didn't really appreciate how much has happened and how much has changed.

Grad Student Chuztpah

2006-11-24T14:54:00.000-05:00

As time goes on, I seem to be falling more and more into the dreadful stereotypes of a typical grad student.

Ramen noodles are making more frequent appearances in my pathetically packed lunches
I seem to have a fierce disdain for most undergrads (with a few exceptions - those that work in my lab are cool)
My relationship with my supervisor mainly consists of me feeling inadequate and confused
My future research goals are piling up without making much progress on the projects I'm working on now
I'm getting seriously impatient about how slowly it takes to get results
I can't function without a few cups of coffee a day
The number of talks I have to give and conferences I have to go to keeps going up
The resulting anxiety about these talks and conferences doesn't seem to dissipate
Guilt has become an inherent feature of relaxation

In other words, PhD Comics is basically starting to look too much like my life. heh.

At least I do seem to go out and get drunk more often than the PhD comics characters, but I'm not sure that that's necessarily the marker of normalcy that I should cling to. Ahh well, off to the bar tonight!

Horoscope Me

2006-11-19T15:37:00.000-05:00

I've recently started reading my daily horoscope.

I don't know why, or really how it started, but lately I seem to be doing it rather compulsively. I attribute it in part to being bored in the lab and trying to find something half decently interesting to surf for on the net during my coffee breaks.

The most recent horoscope had this to say:
"On the weekend of the 17th, put your emotions, schedules and plans on hold and count on disruptions, frustrating discussions and annoying relatives who are determined to test the limits of your patience."

It creeps me out when they're so crazy accurate.

Non-sequitur: got to love this post by BitchPhD. Oh how it amuses!

Women in Neuroscience

2006-11-07T15:44:00.000-05:00

I was flipping through the July issue of Nature Neuroscience when I came across a really interesting editorial on women in neuroscience. Seeing as I am a woman in neuroscience, I didn't hesitate in reading through the piece (if you're interested, it's a one page article in July 2006, volume 9 number 7, p. 853).

It turns out that only 1 in 5 papers published in the journal have a female corresponding author. The editors were then interested in why this is: is it 'simply' because there are less women in neuroscience as a field, or is it reflecting a societal glass ceiling?

In examining whether the author's gender correlated with their chances of publishing in NN, they found that "papers from female authors are sent for peer review and published in proportion to their representation among submission" - i.e the overall acceptance rates were statistically indistinguishable. 10.9% of papers with female authors in comparison to 11.8% with male authors were published.

However, is still stands that there are gender disparities in the demographics of neuroscientists. For example, of 940 reviewers for the journal itself, only 16.2% are female. In 2003, it was reported that 50% of neuroscience graduates were female, but only 25% of tenure-track faculty were female.

What I also found pretty discouraging is that in 1999, MIT found that female faculty had lower salaries, less space and fewer recourses than men with equivalent accomplishments in the field. A big multivariate study done in 2004 found that gender differences in career success were entirely attributable to the differential effects of marriage and family on women and men.

In other words, they found that having a family has a detrimental effect on women's careers, but not on men's careers.

I don't know how to feel in reaction to these sorts of findings anymore. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel discouraged. I feel powerless. And then at the same time, I feel like it's irrelevant to me and my life because I'm going to succeed in whatever it is I choose to do - it's just how my life works and has always worked.

I just hope some of these numbers can help those girls and women who say "I'm not a feminist, but..." see that they can't take what they have forgranted: we still have a very long way to go.

Stay Classy, Montreal

2006-11-01T16:07:00.000-05:00

What's better than getting all skanked up for Halloween and taking drunken mirror pictures with your friends? Nothing, you say?

Well how about getting so drunk that you only stay for 30 minutes at the party you got all dressed up for because you start to get sick and get dragged home by your friend who then also gets sick?

Just another classy moment to add to my already lengthy Book of Shame. At least we managed to have a fair bit of fun getting ready for the party, heh.

It's hard to believe that it's already November, I still can't reconcile myself with how fast the time flies. I just had my first academic-induced anxiety panic attack about how fast my Master's Thesis deadline is approaching. Even though I get older (crypt-keeper older), it's good to know that my neuroses are a tried and true constant in my life.

Well, I have one new constant to add: Hungarian Champagne = bad idea. No matter how tempted you may be, no matter how funny you might find the idea of Hungarian "Champagne", DO NOT SUCCUMB. You will regret it.

Or at the very least, maybe it would be wiser to sip it gradually and not down half a bottle in 10 minutes. Either way.

Geek Overload

2006-10-20T14:39:00.000-04:00

This past week I was at the Society for Neuroscience 2006 conference in Atlanta, Georgia. It's one of the biggest conferences in North America - this year there was around 30,000 Neuroscientists who attended.

That's a crap load of geeks in the same place at the same time.

The size of the conference is hard to explain unless you see it for yourself. I essentially spent the first day just walking around staring at things with my mouth agape. There was so much to do and see, so many talks and presentations and discussions and seminars and posters.

To give you an idea, here's a video I took of only one of the big poster presentation halls - there were a few this size.

I went to some talks by Nobel prize winners, I got to meet a lot of really important people in my field, and I even got a few offers for collaboration and one recruitment.

It was such an incredible experience - overwhelming and scary, but fascinating and exciting. Talking with all these really smart people and getting to see how much my research is on the cutting edge of neuroscience really made me re-evaluate wanting to stick with what I'm doing. Just last week I was sure I was going to leave the lab and do something else for my PhD, now I'm thinking of staying. It's funny how experiences like this can change us dramatically in just a few days.

Here's me with my poster on presentation day, woot! And don't worry if you don't even understand the title - I don't either!

Clarity

2006-10-05T17:12:00.000-04:00

Oh how I love fall.

Voila a view of Mount Royal taken from my balcony.

When Autumn comes, it doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last.
You never know when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart.

The Heart of Life

2006-10-01T17:41:00.000-04:00

It's surprising how much sway the weather can have in determining my mood.

Yesterday was a beautifully perfect fall day: sunny, a big bright blue sky, and a comfortably warm temperature with that slight crispness in the air that makes a light jacket the perfect accessory. I love fall for this reason, with all the leaves just starting to change colour and fall from the trees. It makes me happy.

I slept in, had my coffee, did my pilates, and set out for some shopping. I took my iPOD, freshly loaded with the new John Mayer CD Continuum (I am completely addicted to it and cannot stop listening, I even have trouble falling asleep because the songs are stuck in my head).

The combination of the beautiful day, the sometimes fulfilling feeling that can result from shopping for things you actually need and want, and the great music all came together to make yesterday such a great day. I had a little hop in my step and a smile on my face, it was terrific.

Days like that are so few and far between, I'm glad that I was able to savour it in the moment. Next weekend is shaping up to be even better: Thanksgiving with Mike and Rose coming into town! Woot woot, can't wait to see them!

Golden Touch

2006-09-22T15:09:00.000-04:00

My raise officially kicked in today - I am no longer barely able to pay rent and bills with nothing left over for food! HELLS YEAH
I told bitchy post-doc to jump up her own ass and die
I rocked out in the microinjections and got 5 beautifully imaged cells without her help
It's the weekend and my hetero-lifemate's champagne birthday - 23 on the 23rd!!

Have a good one you guys, I know I sure will!

Listening to: Love Generation - Bob Sinclair

I Hate You So Bad

2006-09-18T17:06:00.000-04:00

The post-doc in the lab is making me absolutely psychotically angry. I'm starting to lose control over my anger, and a none too pretty public freak-out is looming on the horizon.

She's been pissing me off for a few months now, and I've generally been good about not flipping out at her - it's important that the lab members get along and things run smoothly. Me throwing a shit-fit isn't going to solve anything, and would most definitely make things worse. I am trying my best to be as patient and understanding as possible, but my supplies are running dangerously low. She has no freaking idea that she's playing with fire.

The post-doc is incredibly annoying, selfish, oblivious, rude, and condescending. She is supposed to be training me in microinjections, a difficult technique that takes most people 4-5 months to get. I'm learning surprisingly fast, actually managing to successfully inject some cells - it took her around a month or two to do that and it's only taken me a few weeks. I can't really do most of it on my own, so I'm relying on her to get some results in - this is at the request of my supervisor.

Essentially every time she's supposed to be helping me she flakes out and uses lame ass excuses for why she can't help me with the work. She openly told me that her research is the priority and whines her way out of doing what she agreed to do in the first place. She won't show up when we made arrangements to do an experiment together. She cancels sessions on whims and doesn't tell me till the very same day, telling me I'll need to work around it.

Today I asked her a fairly simple question - I was confused and needed the easy answer. Instead of just telling me, she gets out a pad and sits me down, explaining that I need to "understand what's going on and not just blindly doing experiments". She starts drawing a diagram to explain to me the point of the research.

The whole thing was so fucking condescending that I just gaped at her in completely disbelief: that bitch had the nerve to sit me down like a 4 year old child and talk to me as one. I stood there clenching and unclenching my fists, fake smiling and nodding at her. After she was done being a condescending cow, I calmly explained that I fully understood the research and even filled in a few points she had missed.

I am done being nice to her - I am still going to try not to flip out, but I am SO DONE doing her any favours and working around her schedule. She can work around me, dammit, because I am through bending over for her.

The Beauty of Science

2006-09-07T13:43:00.000-04:00

I'm currently reading a really fascinating book. It's called "What We Believe but Cannot Prove: Today's leading thinkers on Science in the age of certainty".

The World Question Center is an annual feature of a website called Edge (www.edge.org): it involves contributors in the academic community providing their own personal answers to an annually posed question. The 2005 question sparked particularly interesting responses and ensuing buzz:

"Great minds can sometimes guess the truth before they have either the evidence or arguments for it. What do you believe is true even though you cannot prove it?"

The book brings together the best answers from some of the most prominent minds of our time. It is thoroughly interesting and quite thought provoking. Some of the selected responses are from specialists in the fields of physics, psychology, neuroscience, cosmology, theology, computing, biology, etc.

Richard Dawkins, an evolutionary biologist, provides one of my favourite responses:
"I believe that all intelligence, all creativity, and all design, anywhere in the universe, is the direct or indirect product of a cumulative process equivalent to what we here call Darwinian natural selection.
It follows that design comes late in the universe, after a period of Darwinian evolution. Design cannot precede evolution and therefore cannot underlie the universe".

Another really fascinating response is from Terrence Sejnowski, a computational neuroscientist. He states that:
"I believe that we are all looking in the wrong place for where long-term memories are stored. My hunch is that the substrate of old memories is located not inside the cell but outside, in the extracellular space."

That makes sense to me, as I personally study synaptic plasticity - i.e what is going on in the space between neurons to allow for learning and memory processes.

I'd strongly recommend this book to anyone with at least the slightest interest in science, and a curiosity about what today's most brilliant minds are scratching their heads about - what they have faith in (despite many of them being self-proclaimed atheists).

What also makes this collection unique is that it has opposing view points presented consecutively. Someone will talk about, for example, belief that consciousness is not possible without the presence of language, and the following contributor will state that consciousness is in fact possible without the necessity of human language.

It's very well rounded and doesn't leave you with a sense of bias, since it is essentially just people (scarily smart people) voicing their personal beliefs.

I Admit It

2006-08-31T21:24:00.000-04:00

I am sickly, horribly, irreversibly, and deliciously addicted to Big Brother: All-Stars.

I will justify this fact to the people who look down their upturned noses at reality television by explaining that, as a Psychologist, I find the social and psychological ramifications of placing a bunch of people in an isolated house together where they are monitored at all times while they play a game that favours lying and backstabbing thoroughly interesting.

I also love it because it's just plain fucking awesome!

I plan around this damn show: it's on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights. I watch all three shows. I schedule my day to fit it in. I cancel plans with friends. My best-friend and I even call eachother during commercial breaks to talk about what's happening, if we can't meet to watch it together.

I also seem to have a wee woman-crush on one of the stars - Janelle. When I first saw her in the house last season, I thought she was just another blonde bimbo. As the game went on, everyone realized that she played the dumb blonde card because it was expected of her: she's actually one of the best competitors the game has seen. She wins practically every competition, despite being feared and envied by almost all the other players. I bow down to Janelle, we hearts her.

Tonight's episode was freaking intense: one whole week of competitions crammed into one night. I was so frenzied and essentially off my face with excitement that I bit all my nails down to the quick, stuffed my face with popcorn, and jumped around manically during commercial breaks.

I am so going through withdrawal when this thing is over. I just may cry.

Side note: Andre Agassi just won the first set against Baghdatis in the second round of the US Open - his last tournament before he retires. Go Andre!

Don't Stop Me Now

2006-08-10T16:31:00.000-04:00

Cause I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light

And I'm back.

I've been back for about a week, but I've been too exhausted/jet lagged/lazy to get around to posting. Not to mention that it's taken a while to upload and resize my 400 odd pictures (the blessing and curse of digital cameras).

I had an absolutely fantastic time, one of the best experiences of my life - cliches be damned. It was non-stop touring, visiting, sight-seeing, partying, drinking, and dancing. I got about 3-4 hours of sleep a night, if that. Sometimes we just crashed for an hour and a half before getting on the bus the next day. I'm flat broke and still exhausted - but it was worth every penny and every lost minute of sleep.

Be prepared for pictures (click the links):

London
London is amazing (though it was disgustingly hot) - I was there by myself for the 4 days, so I spent all my time walking around trying to get in as many sights as possible:

Me at the London Eye
Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery
Me at the British Museum when it was freaking 36 degrees outside!
Westminster Abbey
Crossing the Thames
Me and the London Bridge

After London, I made my way to Berlin where I met up with the Contiki group and started the tour part itself.

Berlin

The Berlin Wall (there's surprisingly a lot of it left, all covered in either professional or amateur grafitti/art)
Sachsenhausen concentration camp, just outside of Berlin (really eerie experience, also fairly disturbing)
The Brandenberg Gates
Square where the Nazi book-burnings took place
Monument to German contributions to literature, and me for scale
Hollocaust memorial, and Hitler's bunker where he killed himself
Me and Amanda, my roomate, out having a beer with the group
Oh the beer - 1 litre 'steins'

Prague
One of my favourites of the trip, it was also where I did the most (and hardest) partying.

Prague Castle at sunset
View from the Castle
The famous Charles Bridge
Some of us on the bridge
Me in Old Town Square at night, walking with ice cream!
View from the Powder Tower
The entire Contiki Group - <3
Me and Amanda at our traditional Czech Evening dinner
The Boys
After a hard night of dancing it up in a sweat-pit night club
Cruise along the River Vltava

On the way to Vienna, a hilarious sign at the Italian restaurant we ate at.

Vienna

Vienna street at sunset
The gorgeous Parliament building
Mozart in the gardens
Me and Goethe
All dressed up at the Schonbrunn palace for dinner before the classical concert
Me and Amanda at dinner
The concert hall
The last night in Vienna, we went to a nightclub - a photographer took our picture and actually posted it on their website! Check it out: www.gnadenlos.at

Bratislava
We had a short afternoon lay-over in Bratislava, where I oddly enough had McDonalds for lunch (trio and dessert cost me about 1.50 Canadian, hah!)

Pretty fountain
Weird War of the Worlds suspension bridge
Quaint Church and typical street
Painted Mozart busker dude
Cute random statue
Matt with another random statue
Iron people suspended on wires over the street

Budapest
Last, but far from least - my other favourite destination on the trip. It was stunningly gorgeous and so fascinating, plus the food was freaking amazing!

part of the Millenium Monument, celebrating he 1896 Hungarian Land Conquest (special number that pops up all over the city, the Parliament building being 896 meters high)
View from the top of Buda - Pest being on the right hand side of the Danube
Mikey and I with the view
The Chain Bridge
The Parliament Building and it's stunning (and somewhat ostentatious) interior
Pretty and blurry night shot of a light up building during our dinner cruise along the Danube
Maggie and I at a open-air night club along the river
Benny giving an unsuspecting girl "the spread" at said night club
The famous and gorgeous Szechenyi baths where we relaxed for a wee while
Random melting blue cow popsicle - decorated cows were spread throughout the city, for unexplained reasons
Some of the gang chilling in a park
Our last night of drinking, with Hans the coach driver at the hotel

I was surprisingly sad to say goodbye to everyone the next morning, I actually had to hold back tears while seeing Sara, Joyce, and Amanda off in their taxi. All in all, it means I had a much better time than anticipated, and that's what counts.

To end this post full circle, here's a link to a quick video of us on the coach listening to our trips theme song - Don't Stop Me Now, by Queen. The bus had an iPOD hook up, so we listened to this song every morning. Such good memories!

Bye Bye, Bitches!

2006-07-17T13:22:00.000-04:00

I'm off on my trip tonight - I'll be gone for 3 weeks, returning on August 2nd.

I'll think of you all fondly while I'm partying it up in Prague and spelunking in Budapest. Okay, no I won't. But I'll try to have a few drinks for you, and be prepared to be bored with pictures when I get back.

See you on the flip side, kiddies!

Dude, Back Off!

2006-07-12T16:47:00.000-04:00

I leave for my trip next Monday. I'm going to London, Germany, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Austria, and Hungary.

I'm really super excited for the trip, though I of course have some concerns. The first, and I suppose the most important, is of traveling alone. I will be spending the 4 days in London entirely by myself.

I don't mind the actual traveling part by myself - i.e flights, transfers, and so on. That I'm used to. I am a little worried about securtiy issues: taking the Tube at night by myself and going to pubs by myself. I'm not about to miss out on the London pub scene just because I'm traveling alone.

See, last night is a prime example: my friend and I went out to a bar for a night of retro music dancing. We really enjoyed it last time, and also enjoyed it this time around - mostly. Towards the end of the night these two Turkish guys started dancing with us. It was going fine for a while, until the guy I was dancing with started getting too Mr. Grabby Hands.

I told him I had a boyfriend, and this didn't deter him any. I would move his hands when they ventured too far south, and he'd just move them back again. After a few minutes of this, my friend and I escaped to the bathroom - as we're coming out, deciding to go dance in a different area away from these guys, we find them waiting for us outside of the bathroom.

I got a little freaked and tried to speed past them. Mr. Grabby then reaches out and grabs my wrist, pulls me back, and says "hey, where are you going?". My friend can see that this is not going well, so she jokingly tries to pull him away from me while directing us back out into the crowd. Grabby Hands doesn't let go of my wrist and follows us out on to the dance floor, trying to ask me what's wrong.

He clearly wasn't happy with the explanation that I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested in his grabbiness. I literally had to tell him that I didn't like being grabbed, either on the ass or on the wrist, and that he was making me uncomfortable - this is polite as I get, for I feared that a resonant "fuck off!" would push him deeper into scary-mode.

This incident was actually more funny than it was scary, mainly because I had my friend with me and knew I could safely extricate myself from the situation.

When you're a young female traveling alone, these kinds of safety issues become more important. I'm not overly concerned with it, but it's definitely something I will be thinking about to make sure that I'm as careful as possible. A little concern is healthy and beneficial.

The rest of the trip I will be with a group, so I won't have to worry about being on my own. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and hopefully making some friends!

I'll post some pictures when I get back, no doubt a few of me tossing back some German beer and Hungarian vodka!

Canned Heat in my Heels

2006-06-28T15:13:00.000-04:00

I had a great birthday weekend: presents were received, dancing was done, champagne was consumed, and fun in general was had.

Clubbing on Friday night was a rather interesting experience. I had somewhat forgotten what the club scene was like, as I hadn't been out dancing in a while. It was a little.... raunchier than when I went last (and it's not like the last time I went was 15 years ago, I'm talking like a year or so).

I like going clubbing every now and then because I go for the dancing and music: I like to be able to let loose on the dance floor and have fun with my friends. I don't go to scam for guys and one night stands, that's so not my thing - and might I add ewww!

A lot of the girls are barely dressed, and what they're wearing hardly covers their nipples and hooha-area. Not to mention the fact that there was at least 3 girls who got up on various podiums and started stripping and flashing for guys with cameras. It's absolutely disgusting.

A lot of the guys are creepy and greasy: I had my ass slapped by some jerk as I was walking off the dance floor. I got so annoyed that I turned around and smacked him right back with a swift backhand to the shoulder (the only body part that I could reach as I made for a quick get-a-way).

The dancefloor gets really packed and people just end up pushing you all over the place. It gets all hot and sweaty and just generally gross.

So while it's fun to get out and dance it up, sometimes the club scene can be just icky.

Then again, last night I went to a Retro music night at a near by bar/club. It's a smaller venue and more of a bar than a club - the music was great, from Billie Jean to Sweet Home Alabama to even Ghostbusters. The guys were much less creepy and the girls decidedly less skanky. Plus, it was 7$ pitcher night.

It generally depends where you go, what you're expecting from the night, and how much you've had to drink. There's one universal constant, however: wearing high heels for a night out dancing always leads to a very slow, unbalanced, and painful walk home.

Ahh, the price I will pay for cute shoes!

A Day for Champagne

2006-06-23T14:30:00.000-04:00

23 on the 23rd - my champagne birthday.

Today I've already been afforded a few little surprising moments:

Jon (my boyfriend) is coincidently leaving for Europe today for a month. He has a physics conference in Budapest, and a 2 week summer course in cosmology in Trieste, Italy. Fully paid, may I add - lucky bastard. It kinda sucks that he's leaving on my birthday. I also am leaving before he gets back, so we won't be seeing each other for about 6 weeks.

I'm surprised because I realized I'm going to miss him and I'm actually a bit sad. heh. This is surprising to me because we haven't been seeing each other for that long, and we don't have what I'd call a "deep connection".

I'm surprised because he actually bought me a birthday present. And a good birthday present: stuff from Lush. This is surprising because it's sweet, means he actually listened when I went on and on about the damn place, and he really hates the smell of the store - so him actually going and asking the sales girls what to get me is a pretty big deal.

I'm surprised because I've received a few emails from some people I totally didn't expect to remember/care about my birthday. It's nice.

I'm surprised because MC is actually letting me drag her out clubbing tonight, whoo!

It's nice to be surprised sometimes, especially when it's good surprises. Turns out I have nothing to complain about today: my boyfriend and I like each other more than I thought we did, expected and unexpected people care about me, I have things to look forward to, and it's not disgustingly humid outside!

Who knows, maybe I'll even grace you all with a drunken blog post at some point this weekend :D

Listening to: Good Day - Jewel

A Pat on the Head

2006-06-15T19:44:00.000-04:00

I'm not typically one to sit around and over-analyze things other people say/do. Granted, I will often scrutinize my own behaviours and thought processes, but I generally try not to over-think what comes from external sources.

It's impossible to never over-interpret other peoples actions - but we can make an attempt to not place our own anxieties/fears/annoyances on other people and interpret their actions accordingly. Sometimes there really is no deeper meaning, and a comment made or action done really is what it appears to be at face value.

But okay, let's get real. What 20-something (23 on the 23rd, people!) city girl out in the dating scene is never going to wonder about the meaning of some things?!

So my boyfriend comes over the other night for dinner - which I willingly cook. I even went out and bought some of the incredients (double cream brie and fresh basil to add to diced tomatoes in olive oil and garlic over pasta). He compliments me on my cooking and generally enjoys the meal. Afterwards we have some coffee/tea and sit down to watch Jeapordy. Everything's fine, relaxing evening after a good meal and a long day. Good good.

So. As he's getting ready to leave, we're both standing next to my door talking about what we're going to do over the weekend. This is when it happens:

As he's saying goodbye, he reaches over and pats me on the head.

...

What the fucking hell is that about?! I mean, a kiss on the cheek/lips or even a hug would have been a far more appropriate parting - and even expected. I cooked him dinner for chrissake, and he PATS ME ON THE HEAD??

I don't even know what to do with that, besides laugh and wonder what the fuck is wrong with men. Seriously, what's going through the head of a man who pats his girlfriend on the head after she cooks him dinner?! Part of me wants to ask him, and part of me is ready to accept the fact that he's just kinda dense.

A dense man, you say? Inconceivable!

Still Alive, Robbed, and Cranky

2006-06-10T16:43:00.000-04:00

No, I haven't died or fell off the face of the earth. I especially haven't died while falling off the face of the earth.

I haven't posted recently because of a rather annoying and worrisome incident: my laptop was stolen. Over the May long weekend, someone broke into my apartment when I was away and swiped my computer. Luckily, it was the only thing they took and there was no damage done to my place. I hadn't locked the windows when I left, not having had problems before and I suppose I became accustomed to not thinking about it, so my guess is they came in through the fire escape at the window.

I've just recently received the new laptop, and I'm busy trying to reinstall everything to the way I had it before. It's such a hassle and it's been very frustrating, but luckily I had all my important files saved elsewhere so I didn't lose anything vital.

Overall, it could have been much worse. I'm thankful that it wasn't, but I'm also supremo pissed off to have to be going through all this in the first place.

Because of the break in, I've decided that I'm going to move out into a better and quieter area nearby. My Dad and I saw the apartment I found today, it's quite nice - much bigger than my current apartment, it has a balcony, and the building is gorgeous and very secure. It's a high rise building run by a company, so everything is pretty (all marble lobby, nice elevators) and it even has a pool/sauna, 10th floor terrace, and a breakfast restaurant area. Plus there's cameras in the lobby and elevators and you need a scan card to access the building. Best of all, the rent is actually reasonable.

I suppose something good has come out of the whole situation, but I'm still cranky about it! Then again, being a raging bitch is all part of my personal mystique.

Travelling Hippies

2006-05-18T19:36:00.001-04:00

Oh how I love the Hippies!

Well, two specific hippies: the two shaggy bearded contestants who won The Amazing Race last night. They had me cracking up the entire season, their enthusiasm for travel was really inspiring as they were just soaking up every minute of the race.

When I travel I generally try to be similar: open-eyed and gleeful, trying to take everything in and let it transform me. To people who don't share it, the appeal of travelling is pretty difficult to describe - and I just can't for the life of understand why someone wouldn't share it! It's totally beyond my powers of comprehension. Travelling is something so unique and fascinating to me that I'm not able to understand how everyone doesn't feel the same way.

Some of the best quotes from last night's show are as follows:

"If there's any country besides North America I understand more, it's Japan." -- Tyler, whose knowledge of Japanese beats his knowledge of countries versus continents.

"We can't understand what anybody's sayin'." -- Ray is stunned to learn that Japanese is spoken in Japan.

"How did those chicks know who Hachiko was?" -- Eric fails to grasp that Hachiko is the statue of the dog near the guy holding the clue, not the guy himself.

"Touch it." -- Tyler invites giggling Japanese girls to stroke his beard. They happily oblige.

"I'll tell Michael you said hey." -- Yolanda to a group of Japanese businessmen who said she looks like Janet Jackson.

"I hope I don't wake up and it's 1972 or something." -- Jeremy decides a capsule hotel must contain time capsules.

"Those hippies and their damn language-knowing." -- Eric has a Homer Simpson-esque attack of jealousy over Tyler's knowledge of Japanese.

Even though I didn't like the frat boys, they were frequently amusing!

Speaking of travelling, my brother is flying in from Calgary tomorrow night for a surprise visit. We're going to ambush surprise my mom at breakfast on Saturday, I've just called and set it up to make sure she's available. I love freaking my mom out, it should be good times!

Ahhhh.... FREAK OUT!

NeuroGangsta's Paradise

2006-05-12T13:35:00.000-04:00

Grad students don't get summers off. It's unfortunate and all kinds of sucky, but it's the bleak reality of graduate school life.

I'm done classes for the year, but I'm still doing research in the lab. It honestly hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. This is mainly due to the fact that I don't feel much stress anymore, and I realized I really have learnt a great deal of biochemistry this past year. I can essentially do a full Western Blot with my eyes closed. I'm impressed with myself, and that's all that really counts.

Good Things:

I've just submitted my abstract to the Society for Neuroscience conference in Atlanta Georgia in October. It's a pretty big deal - one of the biggest deals in Neuroscience. Anyone who is anyone in my field is going to be there, so I'll have great opportunities to attend talks and get a feel of what people are researching. Plus it's an all expense paid weekend without my supervisor being there - heh, watch out Atlanta, you're about to be bombarded with over 30,000 neuroscientists looking to get geeked up and schmammer faced!

I'm getting trained on the confocal microscope next week to start some new more interesting experiments. I'm going to be dissecting out single synapses and looking at them live under the microscope. I'll be treating them with some drugs and some proteins to see what happens (essentially, I'm sparing y'all the techy details). This is much more exciting to me as a psychologist - instead of pure biochem this is live in your face what's-going-on stuff. I understand it and relate to it much more than abstract pieces of membranes that I blot with some antibodies.

I'm participating in a study next week - it's a conditional learning study where I have to do some associative working memory tasks while in a functional MRI scanner. I've read and discussed so many fMRI studies so I'm really looking forward to actually getting to do one myself. Plus I get paid and I get to see a pretty picture of my fantabulous brain! I had a training session today to learn the task, and I impressed the experimenter. I got perfect on my second trial with the hardest task and she said "wow, excellent". I am such a sucker for intellectual praise, heh.

Almost everything is all booked for my trip. I've got my flights settled, and in London I'm staying in a dorm of the University of Westminster. I'm so poor right now, but incredibly excited. It's so great to have something like this to look forward to, it's a large part of the appeal of travel.

Overall, it's nice to have things to be excited about. It makes everything else easier to deal with.

By the way, love out to wikipedia - what would I do without it?!

Listening to: Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio
teehee, don't ask!

Two Classy Broads

2006-05-05T13:37:00.000-04:00

I have two fairly impressive and pretty painful bruises on both of my knees.

How, you ask? Before your minds set up camp in the gutter, let me just say that I am about to share a personally shameful event. Brace yourselves.

So the Habs (the Montreal Canadiens hockey team, for those non-Canadian readers out there) played Game 6 on Tuesday night. My best friend came over to watch, and we were both getting excited as the game was a lot closer than we had anticipated - a loss would mean the Habs are out of the playoffs.

It comes down to over-time. I, mistakenly, say to my friend "I really hope they don't score in the first two minutes of over-time again, that sucked". All you Habs fans can now blame me for the result. It's exactly what happened - the opposing team scored the series ender 2 minutes into the over-time.

We were devastated, way too much energy had been put into this game. So what do we decide to do? Well, drink of course!

Big EPIC apocalyptic mistake.

Not only do we drink, but we drink about a litre of straight vodka shots. It was so unintentional - we didn't mean to get drunk, and definitely not that drunk.

All this vodka resulted in:
Big girly emotional exchanges
Lying on the floor of my kitchen
Exclamations of love - "You know you're my hetero lifemate and I love you, right?" "I LOVE YOU TOO!!!"
Drunken phone calls to my boyfriend
More drunken phone calls to my boyfriend
Vomiting
More vomiting
Even more vomiting - toilet, sink, bathtub
Crying
Crying drunken phone calls to my boyfriend who can hear my best friend vomiting in the background
Drunken phone calls to best friend's parents
Best friend dropping my phone IN THE TOILET
More vomiting
Sleeping on the bathroom floor
Bucket puking

The consequences of this purely classy incident are everlasting shame, bruised knees, and a killer hangover.

Good times.

<3

2006-04-25T14:17:00.000-04:00

I'm in love with the following:

Montreal at night

The fact that my presentation is going to be over on Thursday and I can stop making myself sick worrying about it. Plus I'm going to be getting completely trolleyed schmammered piss-faced afterwards to celebrate.

My iPOD nano (maybe obsessed borderline addicted is more accurate)

Crying Won't Help You Now by Ben Harper

"You sit there and call me a liar and a cheat
I just wish you'd pin a rose on me
Now you won't even come out and take a bow
Crying won't help you now"

Michael Ryder and The Montreal Canadiens (go Habs go!) owning the Carolina Hurricanes last night in double over-time.

Coffee.

Listening to: Morning Yearning - Ben Harper

London Calling

2006-04-17T11:27:00.000-04:00

So it's official. I booked my Contiki tour this weekend: Berlin, Prague, Bratislava, Vienna, and Budapest.

I've also decided to spend about 4 days in London (England, not London Ontario - eww) before the tour starts. I'll be flying in on the 16th of July to arrive on the 17th and heading out to Berlin a couple of days later.

If any of my Brit blogger and other friends out there want to take me out for a few wee pints while I'm in the land of the Beattles and Bad Teeth, then drop me a line y'all! I have a crazy list of all kinds of touristy things to do and see, and I've even booked a night at the Queen's Theater to see Les Miserables. I'm beyond excited, people will soon be very tired of hearing me say "when I'm in England, I'm going to-" promptly followed by either "get so shit-faced" or "molest the boys", or both simultaneously for that matter!

I haven't gotten around to booking my hostel yet, or my flight for that matter, but I'm going to get on that sometime this week. There are too many hostels in London, so I'm sure I'll be able to find a good decently priced one that's pretty central. The tube will make getting around easy, anyhow, so it should work itself out. WHEEEEEE!!!! I love travelling :D

Listening to: London Calling - The Clash

No More Stats

2006-04-13T21:09:00.000-04:00

Yep, that's right people - NO MORE STATS EVER.

I really can't explain the joy that results from being able to say that. I'm sure some of you can relate because no one likes stats, yes it sucks, etc. But I have just finished 8 straight semesters of statistics. Do you know what that's like? Can you now try to understand my complete and utter hatred of this damned subject that's constantly forced down my throat through the misforunate of it being required in Psychology programs?

Well now I never ever have to take another stats class again. My last stats final was yesterday afternoon. Aside from the second part being more of an exercise in creative bullshit writing, it was alright and I'm just glad it's OVER. Plus, a bunch of us went out for drinks afterwards and I got drunk off free beer! woot!

I know I post repeatedly about how stressed and anxious I am. It's part of who I am, and for the most part, my stress and anxiety has helped motivate me to be where I am today.

I read a passage in Grimus, the Salman Rushdie book I'm reading right now (see sidebar), that beautifully articulates an important question that really struck home.

"Your namesake Chanakya, whispered Kamala Sutra to Virgil Jones, could place his right hand upon a brazier of coals and his left hand upon the cool breast of a young girl, feeling neither the pain of the fire nor the pleasure of her skin.

Ask yourself if it is your luck or your misfortune that you could feel both."

Rushdie has such a way of crafting beautiful passages that tap such poignant issues. So I asked myself, would I rather feel as much as I do - even when it sometimes feels like it's too much - or would I rather not be able to feel anything?

It's a no brainer, really. Bring on the hot coals.

Powerfully Indifferent

2006-04-04T17:39:00.000-04:00

So today was the last Psych Theory class of the semester.

We finished the Grant Reviews (thank god), and had our last presentations. While it's been interesting to read people's research proposals and participate in a mock grant review exercise, it's also been extremely frustrating: 4 hours straight every class of reading proposals, critiquing them, and watching people beat others to death with their extremely important opinions. Oi vey, the chuztpah has indeed reared it's ugly head.

The school year has flown by so ridiculously fast. Normally at this point in the year I'm looking forward to a school-free summer. Unfortunately, as a grad student, I have to work in the lab this summer continuing my research. I'm pretty upset about it, because I've had it with this shit and really don't enjoy it, but I'm also resigned to it at this point.

I will get time off, and I will be taking more time off than I "should". But fuck "should". "Should" is for people who care. Right now, I'm powerfully indifferent.

In fact, I'm so indifferent that I forgot my stats final is next week. I got reminded today - and it didn't even worry me. That is how much I don't care. This time last year I would have shit myself, cried for a couple of hours, and immediately gotten down to work. Now, instead, I'm typing this and watching Dr. Phil.

This isn't to say I'm not still stressed - I'm just stressed about different things. Our class took a wee informal stress questionnaire to compare our average stress levels to the normal population. The average score is 10.11. The average score for our class was 20.33.

My score was 32. heh. That's in the Severe category. It definitely made me laugh.

Fortunately I do have some things to look forward to. I'm going another Contiki tour this summer. The one I chose is of Eastern Europe, and spends 2 1/2 weeks going from Germany, Slovakia, the Czech Republic, Austria, and Hungary. I'm terribly excited, as I haven't been to Eastern Europe before and I'm really looking forward to experiencing the culture - at least for a little while.

Noodly Appendages

2006-03-29T16:45:00.000-05:00

Flying Spaghetti Monster
Originally from FSM Site.

Tonight there's a pucblic lecture at my University about the concepts of Intelligent Design and Evolution. Some people in my lab were discussing it, and I was told about the Flying Spaghetti Monster website.

I can't describe the amount of hysterical laughter that ensued from this. A bunch of us spent an hour or so just going through the website, reading hate mails, and changing all the lab computer wallpapers to FSM motifs.

If you're wondering what kind of crack I've just started smoking, let me explain: "The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the subject of a satirical religion which protests the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution.

On the site, Henderson (the founder) professes belief in a supernatural Creator entity that resembles spaghetti and meatballs and suggests that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism should be taught in science classrooms, essentially arguing a reductio ad absurdum against the teaching of Intelligent Design" (from wikipedia.org).

The guy who started all this, Bobby Henderson - an unemployed 25 year old Physics graduate, has unsurprisingly received a plethora of hate mail. It's pretty funny how big of a following Pastafarianism now has.

I think it's clever and amusing, if not a result of an unemployed university graduate with far too much time on his hands. But best of all is the pirates and global warming graph.

Arrgh!

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Irish and an Englishman

2006-03-21T12:46:00.000-05:00

This weekend was full UK-edness.

First was St-Paddy's Day - well, St-Paddy's Weekend, really. It's hard to describe to people the madness with which St Paddy's is celebrated around here. Even some Irish people (i.e not Americans calling themselves Irish, but an actual person born and living in Ireland) are surprised by the extent of the craziness that happens here. Montreal has one of the larger St Patrick's Day parades in North America. Even the Jewish Genereal Hospital had a float. heh.

It has such a great buzzing energy, there are tons of people, loads of drunkenness, and just general excitement in the air. Not to mention the Worlds Largest Leprechaun.

Friday at the lab we had an Irish Coffee party. One of the girls is Irish, from Kilkenny actually, so she brought all the fixings and invited everyone - Irish whiskey, Bailey's, coffee, and whipped cream. We all brought a mug and got collectively buzzed.

Sunday was the actual day of the parade. In the evening I went to see the James Blunt concert. It was a terrific show, and the venue was fairly small and intimate. Concerts are always better when the venue is smaller.

Blunt is a great performer, he sounds better live than recorded. He's funny and cute and British. Triple threat! It was worth the pain of having to stand for 2 hours in line, and 3 hours for the concert - all the while shoving stupid freakin tall people out of the way. I should have brought a phone book to stand on.

All in all, great weekend. I did absolutely no work, and loved every second!

Well, duh

2006-03-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world.
Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.
When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well.
But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

What's Your Beer Personality?

Brain Pet Peeve

2006-03-08T14:41:00.000-05:00

Next week is Brain Awareness Week, and I've volunteered to help out this year.

I'm going to give a presentation to a class of high school kids to talk to them about brain related and neurological issues. Thankfully I didn't have to make the presentation, it was all done for us.

The talk is going to be about how certain drugs of addiction affect the central nervous system, which is something I already find interesting - and is important for high school kids to know. We're encouraged not to be judgmental, but just to explain to them the neurological consequences of drug abuse. Plus, we have a cow brain to show them that they'll be allowed to touch - even though we were carefully instructed that "the children may not hold the brain, grasp the brain, or throw the brain. They are allowed to pet the brain".

What should be even more fun is taking the metro with a tupperware container with a brain floating around in it.

This whole thing has brought up the "we only use 10% of our brains" bullcrap. That myth is one of my biggest pet peeves, I get really annoyed when people spout it with utter confidence.

There is absolutely NO scientific evidence that even remotely supports the 'theory'. We always use 100% of our brain. Evidence for this is seen in functional magnetic resonance imagine (fMRI) - all of the brain is active at all times. Loss of even a tiny area of the brain from a stroke or another neurological injury/disease can result in really devastating consequences, like the inability to speak, understand language, remember, move, see, or even think/reason properly.

Where the confusion might arise is that we often are using certain areas of our brains more than others, depending on what we're doing. If we're trying to remember what we studied during a test, the memory areas of the brain like the hippocampus and the cortex are probably being used more than other areas devoted to motor movements, for example. But those motor areas are still being used, even if to just move our eyes or tap our pencil on the desk.

fMRI images can look like this:

This is a subtraction, meaning the baseline activity of when that person was not engaging in any particular activity (just laying in the scanner) was subtracted from a scan of when the person was doing some specific task. The areas that are not lit up are still being used, they're just subtracted out so the researchers can look at the activation patterns for specific tasks/behaviours.

Cool, eh?

Books and Movies

2006-02-26T19:53:00.000-05:00

So my week off has come to an end. I really don't want to focus much on going back, it's getting a little too hard to deal with recently. Gotta get me a good anti-anxiety prescription, me thinks.

I finished Fall On Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald this week. It was absolutely captivating. I wouldn't describe it as a nicely enjoyable book - it gets pretty disturbing and deals with some pretty wrenching topics. But it's one of those books where I'm still thinking about it, a week or so after I've finished reading it and am half way through another book. It will definitely stick with me for a while.

Over the break, Elisa and I saw Eight Below, the movie with Paul Walker (rawr) about a team of huskies in the antartic. I wasn't expecting too much, it was essentially the only one we could agree on that was showing at the right time. But man, that was a pretty heart wrenching movie. It seemed like I was crying every 15 minutes. I went home and cuddled my cat for a few hours.

Now I'm reading a book called Sunshine by Robin McKinley. It's a vampire/werewolf magic kinda book - my much loved no-think delicious dessert reading. Otherwise known as beach trash. This one is pretty good, I've already got sucked in. The reason I love these kinds of books is because it really becomes an all-consuming activity when reading them. When watching TV my mind wanders, I still think about stressful things and what I have to do tomorrow. When I read these books, there's no room for mind wandering. I can just jump in and forget everything else. It's therapy.

That and a regular night cap.

Speaking of which, great party night on Friday. Hence the pics.

Going to miss you, Elisa and Katina! Have fun in Australia, girls!

Soulless Evil

2006-02-17T16:05:00.000-05:00

How I love the unpredictableness of Canadian winters.

Wednesday: warm and sunny. Thursday: freezing cold huge snow storm.

Today: freezing rain, regular rain, and gusts of wind up to 90 km/h.

Now let me explain what that combination is like. This morning, everything outside was covered in an inch of ice. Of course the sidewalks don't get salted, so there's no 'walking' involved - only slipping, sliding, and falling (of which I did all 3). Because it started to rain normally after the freezing rain, everything is also soaked - so it's wet slippery ice. My boots got soaked, my feet got soaked, and my gloves got soaked (from grabbing onto things to avoid from falling and also from pushing myself up off the ground after falling).

This is pretty typical for a winter here, but the wind was fucking unbelievable. It's hard to explain what 90 km/h gusts of wind are like - but let me just paint you a quick picture.

Me + ice + wind = sliding down an entire city block by simply the power of the wind and my gripless boots. I didn't even have to move my feet, I seriously got pushed down the ice for an entire block by the wind alone. I was laughing my ass off at the pure insanity of it.

Thankfully I'm at home now, next week is reading week (i.e spring break just not in the spring) so I will be getting some much needed time off.

All the stress and exhaustion and sleep deprivation is starting to have some bad consequences: namely, an uncontrollable rage at even the littlest things that leaves me having pretty graphic fantasies about beating the shit out of random people. Not good.

The week's plan involves some partying this weekend (a 90s nightclub), a whole lot of sleep, fun reading, movie watching, and staying in my PJs all freaking day. I will have to do some work, but it's mindless stats work (GAH in itself, but a necessary soulless evil).

Let's just hope the rage goes away before I get arrested for excessive use of violence.

Oh... shit... shitshitshitshit

2006-02-02T14:46:00.000-05:00

It's 3:00 PM and I can already officially say that today was a bad fucking day.

I had it all planned out. Today one of my lab members was giving a talk for the weekly MNI (Montreal Neurological Institute) Research Discussions at 11 am. I wanted to run out the large SDS Page gel (a technique used in biochemistry and molecular biology to separate proteins according to their size - click here for more), which takes about 4-5 hours. I have an aerobics class from 5pm - 6pm, so I knew that if I started making the gel at about 10:30, it would be ready by the time the research discussion was over at noon, then I could run it and be done before aerobics.

All nice and fine - theoretically.

Making the gel requires funneling a liquid that will solidify into a gel in between two glass plates. You have to fit the plates together and anchor them to a stand - the trick is to make sure the bottom is properly sealed against a sponge barrier so the liquid doesn't leak and go all over the place.

So of course, the gel leaks on me. I curse profusively under my breath, remake the liquid, wash the plates, and attempt to try it over again. 11 am is approaching and I'm starting to hurry to make sure it's ready to go. Gel attempt #2: it leaks AGAIN. At this point I'm pissed and frustrated and annoyed because I know it's basically all over. I can't miss the research discussion, and now I won't have enough time to run the gel and make it to aerobics - and I don't miss aerobics.

After I calm down a bit (with the help of Starbucks), I realize it's not a huge deal and that I'll just run the gel on Monday instead. A few days later than planned isn't the end of the world - it just generally annoys me when things don't go as planned.

At this point, I'm pretty much over it. After Ikue's presentation, we were walking back to the lab and some other lab members ask me if I have to give a talk this year. I'm all "oh no, thank god, but next year I have to". I'm petrified of these talks because they're all biochemistry, and I'm a Psych student. I very rarely understand what's going on during the discussions because I have zero background in biochem.

Turns out I do have to give a goddamn fucking talk - on April 27th. NO ONE TOLD ME, I had no bloody idea. I was told you only have to give talks during your second year of your Masters degree.

I essentially tried not to immediately break down and start crying. I don't think I was doing a good job of hiding the absolutely core-shaking fear and dread I was feeling, because Linda and Carole were like "oh it's okay, you have plenty of time to prepare!".

It's not the goddamn preparation I'm worried about - it's the nonsensical questions I know I'm going to get asked in front of all the really smart biochem people. People ask such anal complicated questions every week, and I know I'm going to get reamed out - and have absolutely no idea how to respond. I barely understand what I'm doing, it's not what I thought it was going to be. On a daily basis I can walk around and pretend I know what I'm doing, but the reality of the situation is I'm up the fucking creek without a paddle, and I've never felt this way before.

I think my iPOD felt bad for me on the way home because it was playing all my favourite songs one after another. I think I need to go out and find a shirt or something that reads "Before you ask - I have no idea" and wear it during my presentation.

A Lush Life

2006-01-25T17:32:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't already know, I am completely and utterly obsessed with a fresh handmade cosmetics store called Lush. So much so that I am starting to be recognized and considered a regular by store employees, and have had a few friends and family members express concerns over how much I talk about the store.

Lush's manifesto is as follows:
"We believe in making effective products out of fresh organic fruits and vegetables, the finest essential oils and safe synthetics, without animal ingredients.
We also believe words like 'fresh' and 'organic' have honest meaning beyond marketing.
We believe in long candlelight baths, massage, filling the house with perfume and in the right to make mistakes, lose everything and start again."

I've used pretty much one of every type of product they have. Right now I am using the following:

Sonic Death Monkey: This shower gel makes your hair and body feel soft; it's scented with chocolate orange and tones you up with fresh lime, Caribbean coffee and herbal tea.
Banana Moon Soap: Our banana soap has lots of fresh bananas in it; we mash them up, mix them with yoghurt, soap flakes and essential oils and make a truly bananafied, moisturizing soap that smells of bananas because it's full of them.
Sympathy for the Skin: Sympathy for the Skin is a body lotion with loads of moisturizing almond oil, cocoa butter and fresh, organic bananas and an infusion of vanilla pods.
Honey Trap Lip Balm: Honey Trap is a gorgeously tasty, white chocolate balm, sent to tease your lips into a soft, sensual state, capable of seducing anyone they touch. Our Honey Trap hides secrets like nutritious wheatgerm oil and soothing oatmilk infusion behind its honey and wild orange flavour.
Big Shampoo: This shampoo takes ten (or maybe twenty) years off your hair. Sea salt, seaweed, lemon and limes juices and coconut oil. But they have to be in the right order. The effect is not temporary; you hair just gets better and better.
King of Skin: This unassuming bar is made to a patented Lush recipe with emollient, fresh bananas, oatmeal, avocados, moisturising cocoa butter, shea butter, almond oil and coconut butter. The fragrance is gorgeous, composed as it is of a bunch of skin softening essential oils including sandalwood, rose and frankincense.
Aquamarina: Aquamarina is pink and squidgy face wash, wrapped in seaweed, rolled up like a big pink sausage. Your skin feels smooth and smells sweet and looks lovely, as it's made with a lot of calamine and Aloe Vera it's good for soothing irritated faces; use it if you've caught the sun.
Breath of Fresh Air: This skin toner has rejuvenating rosemary, nutritious seaweed absolute and skin softening rose to make it the essential skin revitaliser for anyone trapped inside an air conditioned environment.
Ultralight Moisturizer: A light textured moisturising day cream made with two types of fresh Pacific seaweed and loaded with vitamins, minerals and St John's Wort to produce extremely softening, moisturising properties. Ultralight offers softening protection when the skin is exposed to sunshine or cold weather.
Smitten Hand Cream: A light, daytime hand cream scented with the same deliciously mouth-watering fragrance as Snowcake soap. Made with natural oils and butters for a longer term benefit for your mits.

See, I told you I'm obsessed.

I absolutely love this stuff, the products work so amazingly well that you'll soon become as addicted am I am. So go out and Lushfy your life, or Lushfy the lives of someone you love.

Better yet, buy me some Lush stuff - and I swear I will love you forever and ever and ever :)

Eugoogalizer

2006-01-22T20:48:00.000-05:00

I've just finished writing and reviewing a big research proposal that's due tomorrow. The title I gave it is "cAMP response element binding protein mediated reconsolidation of spatial memory in the hippocampus". Even I'm not sure I understand it, heh.

For the Masters psych theory class, all 17 of us have to write an NSERC style research proposal for an experiment that we would like to conduct, assuming we had all the resources possible open to us. After we submit them, we then become our own selection committee: with groups of us rating eachothers anonymous proposals, and deciding whether or not we would fund them.

We even had to write a pretend one-year budget. I had absolutely no idea what research projects normally cost, I've only been a lowly experimenter, never the primary investigator. For my undergrad thesis I used the morris water maze, which I decided to include again in this proposal. I emailed my undergrad supervisor, and she faxed me the price quote for the water maze. Holy bagoly. It costs upwards of 14,000$. I shat myself, secrelty remembering those days when I was so frustrated and tired of running the water maze that I would give the tank a few swift kicks.

On a more pleasant note, I watched one of my favourite movies earlier: Zoolander. I cannot explain the depths of my love for this movie. Here are some of my favourite quotes:

"You know, a eugoogalizer, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogaly was?"
"You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite... you aren't."
"I deserve to die if I can't beat Han-suckass at a walk-off!"
"Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?"
"Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"
"There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman"."
"What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building? The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!"
"Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident."
"Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night.""

ahhh, good times!

The Classics

2006-01-09T20:04:00.000-05:00

I meant to post about my crazy fun New Years experience, but with school starting up again, the will got lost in the depressing daily grind of getting back into the routine.

These 4 simple words and this lovely picture can sum up the night rather nicely: skanks have more fun.

There was some champagne, lots of dancing, an open bar, more dancing, a buffet, more dancing, a stumble home on bruised feet, very little sleeping, and some pronounced hangovers. Good times.

Aside from New Years, there are also two more incidents which prompted me to finally get around to posting.

Firstly: I love the runner's high. I had my first aerobics class today since the end of November. I thought it would kick my ass, and I wasn't sure how my knee was going to hold up. Knee was fine, and I kicked that class' ass! It was awesome. I hadn't exercised that vigorously in a while, and it felt spectacular afterwards. I essentially skipped all the way home, and danced to the radio while showering. I could feel all the serotonin and epinephrine floating around in my brain, it was delicious. Whoo for exercise!

Secondly: I work in a Neurological Institute, it's where my lab is and where I conduct my research. It's also a Neurological Hospital, so there are neurological patients who are residents there. I went into one of the bathrooms today, only to find a sign posted on the wall above the toilet. It said the following: "Il est defendu de se masturber ici".

For those of you who don't speak French, this means "It is forbidden to masturbate here".

Classic.

Non Sequitur

2005-12-21T18:49:00.000-05:00

I went to a sports medicine clinic today to get my knee looked at. After a lot of bending, poking, twisting, and prodding, I was told some interesting things. Firstly, and most importantly, there's no serious damage to my knee. While there's currently not a lot of pain, there is some swelling around the interior of my knee - the physiotherapist said it seems to be around the cartilage. I have some exercises to do to strengthen the muscles, and obvious advice to take it easy when my aerobics start up again.

I also found out something rather worrisome. Apparently, my knee caps rest at an angle pointing out laterally rather than straight over the joint as they are supposed to do. This puts me at a higher risk for developing arthritis - the physio said she was even surprised I haven't had knee pain before this with all the sports I do. I'm a little upset over this because there's not much I can do to change it, though there are treatments available if (when) my knees start to bother me.

I finished A Million Little Pieces the other day - I rather enjoyed it. The style took a little getting used to: the no punctuation, short sentences, no indications of dialogue so you often don't know which character is speaking.

The reason why I enjoyed this book was obviously not because I could relate to the destructive consequences of addiction - but it really was a fascinating perspective of what it is like to embody a serious alcohol/drug addiction. The psychologist in me was intellectually moved by that aspect.

What moved me on a more emotional/personal level, was Frey's position towards AA and the Twelve Steps. AA is a system that bases it's methods on a belief in a Higher Power. So the dilemma arises when an individual has no faith in a Higher Power - many proponents of AA will firmly assert that there is no other way to sobriety.

Frey did not believe in God/Higher Power, and instead chose his own path of recovery: taking responsibility, a commitment to one's own decisions, strength of will, and self confidence.

I relate strongly to that - the fact that you don't need faith in divinity to take control of your own life. You don't need to live this life in preparation for an afterlife. The purpose of life is to live, and to live for yourself. I wasn't expecting to find a message like that in a book listed on Oprah's Book Club, heh.

Listening to: Trouble - Ray LaMontagne

Holy Snow Storm, Batman

2005-12-16T12:07:00.000-05:00

40+ centimeters, and more on the way. Oi vey!

Power

2005-12-13T16:58:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading Shalimar the Clown by Salman Rushdie, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Rushdie has a way of expertly combining elements of the supernatural with aspects of history, ideology, and religious conflict. In this novel, I really got a better understanding of Indo-Pak relations, seeing as the main character is Kashmiri. Kashmir being an area that is still fraught with conflict. The book also dealt with terrorism, and instead of producing the cookie-cutter thoughtless comments of the American hegemony version of 'terrorism', we the readers get to see what may drive an individual person to commit such acts. I thought it was very enlightening and refreshing.

Towards the beginning, a father tells his daughter a rather poignant parable about the nature of power. I was struck by it, and felt the need to post it.

"'The palace of power is a labyrinth of interconnecting rooms', Max once said to his sleepy child. 'It's windowless, and there is no visible door. Your first task is to find out how to get in. When you've solved that riddle, when you come as a supplicant into the first anteroom of power, you will find in it a man with the head of a jackal, who will try to chase you out again.

If you stay, he will try to gobble you up. If you can trick your way past him, you will enter a second room, guarded this time by a man with the head of a rabid dog, and in the room after that you'll face a man with the head of a hungry bear, and so on. In the last room but one there's a man with the head of a fox. This man will not try to keep you away from the last room, in which the man of true power sits. Rather, he will try to convince you that you are already in that room and that he himself is that man.

If you succeed in seeing through the fox-man's tricks, and if you get past him, you will find yourself in the room of power. The room of power is unimpressive and in it the man of power faces you across an empty desk. He looks small, insignificant, fearful; for now that you have penetrated his defences he must give you your heart's desire. That's the rule.

But on the way out, the rooms are full of half-human flying monsters. They swoop down and rip at your treasure. Each of them claws back a little piece of it. How much of it will you manage to bring out of the house of power?

Such is the nature of power', he told her as she slipped toward sleep, 'and these are the questions it asks. The man who chooses to enter its halls does well to escape with his life.

The answer to the question of power, by the way, is this: Do not enter that labyrinth as a supplicant. Come with meat and a sword.

Freedom is not a tea party, India. Freedom is a war'".

It's a beautiful passage, and the rest of the book is equally stunning.

A Night In

2005-12-03T18:53:00.000-05:00

A Saturday night home alone studying for my stats final while my parents are upstairs hosting a dinner party.

Thankfully my life isn't always this pathetic, heh. It was the Psych departmental Christmas Party on Thursday night, which the first year Masters students had to organize. The actual planning was the pure definition of hell, but the party turned out to be quite fun. I unfortunately sprained my knee the night before the party, but with a day of advil and ice packs, I still managed to don the 3 1/2 inch stilettos that I was set on wearing. I think the copious amount of alcohol numbed the pain - I ended up dancing for 3+ hours.

We had decided that instead of hiring a DJ, we would just hook up someone's laptop to the PA system. This resulted in us being able to choose the music: from Usher - Yeah!, to MC Hammer - Can't Touch This. Just in case you all wanted to know: yes, it is possible to do the running man in heels and a skirt.

The night didn't end terribly pleasantly, my friend having ditched me to get in on with some guy and then proceeding to ask me to wait up for her. I hope none of the faculty heard me telling her to fuck off, heh. That's always the risk of business type parties - the combination of drunkenness and people you work with can result in some dangerous and awkward consequences.

I think a partial reason why I was so pissed off at my friend was because I'm starting to feel out of place. I'm one of the youngest Psych grad students - only one other girl who is 22. Most of them are married, and if not married, in a serious relationship. It's absolutely bizarre. I went from a group of single friends without much relationship experience to a group of married people!? It's putting pressure on me, and this is a very new form of pressure.

Guess this is just a part of growing up. heh. Funny how I can feel simultaneously old and too young. I suppose it's just another new part of a new life.

Something is Amiss

2005-11-10T22:37:00.000-05:00

It snowed today.

First snow fall of the year. It's not necessarily early for the first snow fall, I can remember many years where I had to wear a parka, hat, and mits under/over my Halloween costume for trick-or-treat'ing. Thankfully it was just a little light snow today, that fluffy pretty Christmasy kind of snow.

Things have calmed down slightly at school - that inevitable crunch where it seems like 15 thousand things are converging all at once has passed. I'm going to be coasting fairly easily until my one and only final on December 7th. I don't forsee a need to do much research after the 7th, so it looks like a nice long Christmas break!

My stats midterm, one of the 15 thousand converged things, revealed something pretty interesting: I am by far NOT the most neurotic person in my program.

Please take a moment to re-read that statement. As shocking as it seems for those of you who know me or have at least read a few other posts, it is true nevertheless.

People were freaking their freak over this midterm. We had a few review sessions with the prof, and they were asking the most ridiculously complicated questions. What if there is a 4 by 3 by 2 overall simple simple main effect interaction? Every spare minute we had in our other class, people were talking about stats. They were asking eachother how to do things, trading answers to previous midterms the prof had made available. Someone even went as far to mention the stats midterm in their totally unrelated presentation.

I was beyond annoyed with these over-achievers. So how was the midterm itself?

Easiest test I've written in a looong time. Took me 15 minutes, which included review and some minor changes. I got a 98% - only lost 0.5 of a mark on the last question. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled, but I wasted about 4-5 days studying for that midterm when I could have been getting much needed sleep.

But like I said, at least I wasn't nearly the most neurotic one in the bunch. Things really have changed.

Listening to: No Bravery - James Blunt.

Busy, Busy, Meltdown, Busy

2005-10-21T11:53:00.000-04:00

It's funny how things always seem to happen all at once. No matter how hard we try to plan it out, life inevitably goes its own way.

I'm definitely feeling the stress. Grant applications, worth 15,000$ - 17,500$ are due. My mail was unknowingly stopped for an unexplained reason - meaning not receiving letters of reference, transcripts, or even bills. Class presentation. Research. And to top it all off, I'm sick. A clear indication that my body's no longer able to keep up with the rest of me.

When things are within my control, I can normally handle stress pretty well. It doesn't get to me that much, I realize that there are some more important things in life than fretting over a stats assignment, and it motivates me to get the work done on time, if not early. Even then, it's still difficult to appreciate the bigger picture; to not sweat the small stuff, so to speak. I understand the important of enjoying as much of the little every day things as possible, but it's so much easier to realize it than to actually do it.

When things go wrong that are out of my control, then it's game over. No amount of cognitive rationalization is going to keep me from freaking out. heh. It's just nice to know that you have supportive friends and family that are going to be there for you when you break down, to know that someone will be able to take the reigns and say "this is what we're going to do".

On more pleasant notes, I was at the home opener for the Montreal Canadiens versus the Ottawa Senators:

When you're feeling stressed, there's nothing like drinking copious amounts of beer and cheering on as two hockey players throw their gloves off at go at eachother like two monkeys trying to hump a football.

Side note: not all violence is fun. I saw some drunk guy get the shit kicked out of him by another drunk guy in the middle of the street last night at 3:30 am. The ambulance came and kept me up. How dare they!

Death, Taxes, and Stupidity.

2005-09-23T12:19:00.000-04:00

I would just like to come straight out and proclaim that I am prejudiced - yes, I admit it. I am prejudiced against stupid people.

For those of you who have read my blog with a pittance of regularity, you will undoubtedly recognize this prejudice. It's nothing new in the world of Jo (and I apologize for talking about myself in the third person, it's lame - I know).

So why I am pulling a Captain Obvious (hey Amy!) and stating the blatantly evident? Well, it is because a particular illusion of mine has recently been shattered. It seems that even really smart people can be annoyingly stupid.

The group of us Masters Psych students is a fairly small group - around 17 of us, I think. So we're getting to know eachother a good deal, since we have classes and seminars and meetings together. Some class discussions have been very interesting, with a great deal of eloquence, intelligence, and clarity. This in itself was a rarity in my undergrad. These people want to be here, we all tried very hard to get here.

So where is the stupidity? There are a few people, who shall remain nameless... annoying pretentious guy... who are not necessarily stupid in the undergrad sense, but who embody a new kind of stupidity that I shall henceforth christen Grad Student Chutzpah.

This chutzpah involves a disregard for the input of others, an annoyingly loud voice that booms over everyone else, an incessant desire to make one's thoughts clearly known, self-importance, and a particular skill at parasitically sucking the social climate into one's self.

Thankfully not everyone in the group is like this, but I've still been bombarded by enough of this to make a blog post about it. heh.

The moral of this story: no matter where you go, no matter how much you think you might have escaped the more common pitfalls of humanity, stupidity will follow you to the grave.

Death, taxes, and stupidity. The universe's eternal constants.

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

Listening to: Give Me One Reason - Tracy Chapman

Cutest Thing Ever

2005-09-10T21:20:00.000-04:00

Brace yourself for excessive adorableness:

A friend of mine sent me these pics of the new puppy addition to his family. Apparently the wee pup is getting on well with their other dog.

::explodes from cuteness overload::

Another First Day

2005-08-31T16:30:00.000-04:00

First awkward orientation meeting down. A few more to go.

Today was my meeting with the Pscyh Graduate Program director. I have now spent two nights in my apartment downtown, in order to make it easier to commute to school - my place is about a 10 minute walk from campus. Things are looking good, my furniture is nice and the walls are finally painted the right colours. I'll have some pics soon.

I seriously have taken air conditioning forgranted. Ho-ly jesus christ on a cross. The humidity is oppressive and poor lil spoiled me is definitely realizing it. We are getting the tail end of Hurricane Katrina now, and it absolutely pissed poured rain today. Obviously it's nothing in comparison to somewhere like New Orleans, but it still was not pleasant. Water was gushing down the streets in rivers, and I arrived to meet my fellow grad students for the first time with my shirt gone see-through. Loooooovely.

As for my Masters, it looks like it's going to be interesting, but a lot of work - apparently around 50 hours a week when things get underway. This is far from surprising. The program director basically spent an hour and a half saying "This is not your undergrad. You have to be self-motivated and structure your own time" and made numerous analogies to monsters and food.

What's interesting is that we're discouraged from taking outside jobs. This is considered to be our job, though we are first and foremost students. Thank god I'm fully funded.

There's soft-ball and a BBQ tomorrow and I'm off to see an Alouettes football game on Friday, hopefully the weather clears. I now can't wait for the crispness of fall.

Back to School

2005-08-18T19:30:00.000-04:00

Back to school commercials suck. We hates them. Your stress-free summer is going beautifully, you're finally starting to feel relaxed and comfortable, then you decide to sit down on the couch for some good quality time with the boob tube and everything is promptly ruined. You're reminded that your summer is basically over, and that you have to face another year of pressure, stress, and inevitable exhaustion. All because of one stupid commercial advertising a sale on pencils.

If you didn't already know that advertising is the root of all evil, you do now.

Thankfully I was able to spend a week on the beach in Maine before having to face the dreaded "Back to School" specials. It was nice to sit on the beach with a good book and a beer, and feel the ocean water and the sand in between your toes.

I officially start classes for my Masters degree in Behavioural Neuroscience on the 1st of September. At least I'll have a nice tan for a while, until being cooped up in the lab for hours and days on end brings me back to my wonderful pasty whiteness.

I'm feeling all the usual apprehension at starting at another new school - but with the twist that I think I might be over my head. My Masters thesis is going to revolve around studying proteins and their relation to memory at a cellular level. I am a scientist, but this is science nerd territory. Like petri dishes and assays and crap - of which I, of course, don't know how to do since I got a BA and not a BSc.

Not to mention the fact that I am the kind of person who detests meeting large groups of people at once and who hates ice breaker games with a fiery passion. I was fortunate enough to skip most of the lame Frosh Week activities for my undergrad, but I don't really have a choice this time around.

Hopefully it won't be too painful, and I might meet some genuinely cool people who have a similar disdain for orientation crap.

Let's go around the circle and say our names, and then something interesting about ourselves.

Hi, I'm Joanna - and I really hate ice breaker games.

Listening to: Tears and Rain - James Blunt

Best of the Best

2005-07-25T20:42:00.000-04:00

The Montreal Just For Laughs comic festival ended yesterday, and the newspaper provided a selection of some of the best jokes from the festival. Here are some of my favourites:

"The French are sensual people. Anyone who starts the day with chocolate bread has big plans."
Dylan Moran (terrific Irish comic that I saw, he was actually in Shaun of the Dead)

"Canada is like America, without all the violence and ignorance. That's why you're so dull."
Dylan Moran

"Jews invented the pill, the polio vaccine and taking Saturdays off. So the next time you're lying in bed Saturday morning having unprotected sex with your legs that aren't crippled... thank the Jews."
Gary Gulman

"It's a good idea to go to Ireland when you think you're drinking too much, because you realize you're not drinking enough."
Lewis Black

"The Scottish diet is the worst in the world, including Africa - it's more nutritional to have no food than Scottish food".
Danny Bhoy

"When will the Democrats realize they can't nominate plywood for president?"
Kathleen Madigan

"Ah, Montreal! Canada's best kept secret. They gateway to Toronto."
Dame Edna Everage

"I'm learning to talk black from young white kids. White kids talking like they're black, it's so weird. Like a cat barking."
Alonzo Bodden

"I masturbate so much that when I make love to my wife, I feel like I'm cheating on my hand."
Bobby Slayton

"I don't do jokes about George W. Bush... He does tend to get there first."
Dylan Moran

"Every woman has a 'ho' friend. If you don't, then you're it."
Maryellen Hooper

"Growing up in Wales is tough. One night I dreamt it stopped raining... You never forget your first dry dream."
Rhod Gilbert

"I travel a lot doing this job, because I'd rather change audiences than material."
Ed Byrne

"The CN tower is a cheat. Tallest building? It's a tall building with a toothpick on the end. Give me a toothpick and I'll show the world's biggest cock".
Ed Byrne

"I got off the plane from Dublin, someone said 'Bonjour', and I thought to meself: 'seven hours to France? What's wrong with this plane?'"
Jason Byrne

Ahh, hilarious. I plan on seeing a few more shows next year - especially Dylan Moran and Ed Byrne, if I can. Oh how I love the Irish boys!

Listening to: Wise Men - James Blunt

Llamas and Wizards

2005-07-18T20:28:00.000-04:00

For Canada Day, I took a wee trip to Calgary to visit my brother Mike and his girlfriend Rose. I also got to visit with my Uncle Bob and Aunt San, who I hadn't seen in about 6-7 years. I had such a great time:

I got drunk in front of my uncle, aunt, brother, and cousins.
We went to Edmonton for a day, where I rode a rollercoaster inside the biggest mall in North America.
We visited the Calgary Zoo, whereupon we saw many amusing, disgusting, cute, pink, and scary animals.
We shopped.
We saw a horse jumping competition for the North American cup.
We drank a lot of beer.
I bought a NO TOUCHY t-shirt.

It was a really great time full of laughs, randomness, and generally good times. Thanks Mike and Rose! (oh my goosh!)

This week is rather busy - I'm seeing two shows at the Just For Laughs Comedy Fest. Tomorrow is the O'Comics - an Irish comedy night with 4 Irish comics. I am such the accent whore, I'm terribly excited for that one. Friday night is the Gala, hosted by Dame Edna. That should be a blast, I've never been to one of the big gala nights before.

Wednesday night I'm also going to see Mama Mia - even though I'm not hardcore into ABBA, it should still be somewhat amusing to watch. If not, at least it's a good excuse to wear the Nine West red leather crocodile stilettos!

Presently, it's time for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I've been vainly trying to limit myself to a certain amount of pages per day. Obviously, I've forsaken this limit with the same zest of breaking a New Years Resolution. While I was waiting for HP6 to arrive, I cracked open Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand for another re-read. I've forgotten how much that book strikes home with me.

It's those rare books, like HP and Atlas, that speak to us in certain ways and make it difficult to explain to another person. Literature is a deeply personal activity, we all take different things from the very same piece. But alas, that's a post for another time.

And P.S. - llamas are ga-ross!

Listening to: Word Play - Jason Mraz

Hangover City

2005-06-18T14:29:00.000-04:00

Population: Me (and Jamie, and Elisa, and pretty much everyone that I was out with last night)

Last night (and this morning) was good times: what the Hudson locals call a Chat Night. I visited my friends in Hudson, a community just off the island of Montreal. It's got that Waterloo-small-town feeling to it, where everyone knows eachother. We went to the town bar/dance club called the Chat (short for Chateau, pronounced 'shat') with a bunch of people. Here is a short play by play of the more amusing events of the evening:

9:07 pm: Driving to Hudson, in the pitch black darkness with the wind pushing my car all over the road.

9:27 pm: Getting lost in Hudson, because it's so goddamn dark and I can't see the street signs. I end up taking every left turn (7, in total) before I serendipitously find Elisa's street.

10:00 pm: The drinking begins, starting with somewhat sketchy Mango Daquirita's.

11:00 pm: More people arrive, and the dirty Greek Lovers cards are whipped out. Card games begin.

11:30 pm: More drinking.

12:30 am: We finally leave for the Chat, piling into the back of Jon's Jeep (who wasn't drinking, of course).

12:45 am: We arrive, and more drinking ensues.

1:00 am: I get introduced to about a thousand people, hugged, kissed, and groped by a fair amount of them. I couldn't remember their names 30 seconds later.

1:30 am: Shots are ordered. More drinks are ingested. More introductions are made (to some of the same people, who I forgot I had met in the first place).

1:45 am: Elisa's brother James hugs me, exclaiming: "Jo, you're the shit!".

2:00 am: Sexual Healing comes on, and some rather scandalous dancing occurs.

2:15 am: More drinks are ordered.

2:33 am: James hugs me again, also reexclaiming: "Jo, you're the shit!".

2:48 am: Group hugging begins, with everyone telling everyone else how much we all love eachother.

3:00 am: It's closing time, more group hugging ensues.

3:45 am: For some reason, we stuck around on the terrace hugging and talking and telling eachother how much we love everyone. Again.

3:50 am: Jon drives us back to Elisa's place, and after he leaves someone gets the bright idea that they want La Belle Province (Quebecois restaurant, serving hot dogs, fries, and the best poutines in Quebec).

4:00 am: We drive all the way out to Sources, about a 25 minute drive, to get La Belle. It's getting light outside.

4:30 am: We arrive, with Elisa passed out in the back of Katina's car. The rest of us chow down - god that poutine was good, though not the brightest idea I've ever had.

5:00 am: We drive home, and I join Elisa in passed-out-land.

5:30 am: We arrive, it's fully light outside, and Elisa and I crash into bed.

11:30 am: I awake and drive myself home, still somewhat drunk yet simultaneously hungover. Also not the best idea I've ever had.

All in all, it was a night filled with hugs, love, and poutine. It's fully worth this hangover.

Listening to: Mr. Brightside - The Killers

Decent Days and Nights

2005-06-06T21:50:00.001-04:00

Ahh, summer in Montreal.

It's hot, it's humid, it's sticky. But I love it. I've been reading outside, golfing, strolling the streets downtown, seeing movies, eating at restaurants, shopping, and all those other equally delicious summer activities that Montreal has to offer.

We are fortunate to have the Just For Laughs Festival, as well as the Jazz Festival grace us in the city every summer. Thousands of people from all over the world come here for these occasions. The streets are filled, the city is buzzing - it's difficult to describe to people who haven't experienced it. This weekend is the Grand Prix, so some streets are closed off with Formula 1 racing cars on display. I've spotted a few dozen license plates from all over the States and Canada - it's going to be a zoo downtown this weekend.

I've just landed myself an apartment downtown for the new school year. I can't live with my parents anymore, and living on the west island while going to school downtown would kill me. I've just signed the lease on a gorgeous 3 1/2, just 2 blocks from McGill. It's got great wooden floors, high ceilings, new kitchen with a gas stove, cute bathroom, and new windows. It's also an older building, so the walls are quite thick between units - i.e, no more Stompy McStomp to contend with, wheeee!

Aside from this good news, I'm also unfortunately shit ass broke. Greece tapped me out. This is also going to be one of my last summers of youthful freedom(ish), so I've decided on just getting some wee part-time job for spending money and a trip at the end of August.

Also unfortunately, I can't seem to get anything - mainly from an intense aversion to lowering my standards to the McDonalds level. I'm also toying with the idea of taking a bartending course so I can bartend a wee bit. I've wanted to do this for a while, and I figure this is the best time to make a go at it.

I really don't seem to have the time and/or energy to do much blogging, so I'm afraid updates shan't be too regular for a while. I'm sure you're all just dying inside, but you'll live.

Just remember that you can visit any time, if you're in desperate need of your Jo-fix. I won't hold it against you, I promise.

Listening to: Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel

All Greeced Out

2005-05-23T15:28:00.000-04:00

I've been back for about a week - and I'm still getting over the wee jet lag. A 7 hour time difference really kicks a girl in the ass, let me tell you.

The trip was amazing, I had a blast. Greece is stunningly beautiful, Turkey is fascinating, Elisa and I had a great time together, we met some very cool people (shout out to the Contiki Crew!), and had many many good times. Greek and Turkish men are very aggressive, but similarly amusing; "oh look, it's Charlie's Angels!"; "I want to lick your shoes"; "Not to be too personal, but I'm not married"; and so forth.

Greek food is orgasmically delicious (saganaki + kebabs = so bad for you, but so fucking yummy), even though the food on the cruise ship was fairly horrendous.

The weather was spectacular. It was slightly grey and cloudy in the morning when we were in Istanbul, but after that it was hot and gorgeously sunny. I have a pretty impressive tan, faded to a nice golden brown after the lobster-girl redness of the sunburn. And it did rain for about 30 seconds on my last day in Athens before I left - but we chalked it up to Greece mourning my loss; "Greece is crying for Jo!".

And now it's picture time, boys and girls - just click the link for a view.

The Cruise

The ship itself, The Perla.
The amusing life-jacket drill on the first day.
Our wee room.
A pretty sunset from the deck.

Istanbul

The Blue Mosque, famous for it's blue-tile lined interior.
The stained-glass windows inside the Blue Mosque.
A washing station outside of the Blue Mosque
Hagia Sofia, a 6th century Church constructed by Constantine and later on converted into a Mosque.
Inside Hagia Sofia.
A 3,540 foot suspension bridge - the only bridge in the world to connect two continents, Europe and Asia.
Elisa and I, behind us is a view of Istanbul and the Bosphorous (a straight separating the two continents).

Mykonos

A view of the city.
Little Venice.
A gorgeous restaurant on the water.
A typical narrow road in Mykonos.
Paradise Beach (the sight of Old Naked Shrinkage... shudder).
The famous Mykonos windmills.
A stunning sunset.
Petros the Pelican.
Best baklava ever.
The Contiki Crew at dinner.

Kusadasi

We unfortunately didn't get to see much of Kusadasi, mainly because we were only there for a few hours and we spent the entire time shopping in the Grand Bazaar.

A street inside the Bazaar.
The harbor of Kusadasi.

Patmos

The stunning view from atop Patmos.
Me and said view slightly less stunning.
The Monastery of St. John the Theologian -where some say St. John wrote the book of Revelations.
Inside the Monastery.
A mural in the Monastery.
A quaint stone staircase in Patmos.
The blue blue water of the Aegean as we're about to dock.

Rhodes

A gate in the wall of Ancient Rhodes.
The pillars that represent where the feet of the Rhodes Colossus is reputed to have stood - this is one of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World.
Elli Beach in Rhodes.
A road in Rhodes... teehee.
The Palace of the Grand Masters.
Elisa in a fire place inside the Palace.
Roma and the dog we nicknamed Rhodes, who followed us around for about 30 minutes.

Crete

Ruins at the ancient Palace of Knossos.
The Queen's quarters at Knossos.
A skeleton of a Crete woman displayed in the National Archeological Museum in Crete.
Me and the ruins.

Santorini

The winding road to get up to Fira and Ia.
A stunning view in Santorini.
A typical blue-domed Church in Santorini.
The active volcano at sunset.
A fantastic perspective on the view.
The donkeys that take people up and down the winding road (it's over 600 steps).

Athens

The Acropolis.
A great view of Athens from atop the Acropolis.
The Parthenon.
A long pillared temple in the Agora.
The Temple of Zeus - another of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World.
The Plaka.
The National Archeological Museum in Athens.
Elisa and Monica next to a statue inside the Museum.

I think the pictures speak for themselves at this point. I had such a fantastic trip, I'll never forget it. I will go back someday, Greece and Turkey are such beautiful countries that are so full of history. Until then:

YAMMAS! (A toast to your health).

City Life

2005-04-29T14:16:00.000-04:00

I've been back in Montreal for about a week now. I forget how much I love the city. However, I forget how small of a city it can really be.

I graduated high school 5 years ago (goddammit I'm old). I don't really talk to anyone from high school besides my best friend, MC. Things happen, people go their separate ways. It's to be expected. Every now and then in the past 5 years - I mean rarely - I'll run into someone when I'm home in Montreal. This has only happened about 3 or 4 times throughout these years. In the past 2 days, I have run into 3 separate girls from high school. All of which I haven't seen since we graduated. It's much too weird for my tastes, especially when I can no longer remember their last names. We were a small graduating class - around 100 girls - so I knew everyone's last names at one point.

Wednesday night I was at dinner with friends. One of the waitresses in the restaurant turned out to be a girl from high school. We did the eye-contact-slight-facial-recognition-but-unsure-of-who-the-other-person-is thing, and then quickly looked away. Fairly weird situation.

Yesterday, I'm at the bank to get traveler's cheques and euros for my trip (5 days away!). A girl working at the bank turns out to be another girl I went to high school with. I'm really weirded out at this point, having remembered the incident from the day before. We do the eye contact recognition thingy again.

Last night at the bar, a popular touristy bar downtown, one of the bartender's turns out to be another freaking girl I went to high school with! At this point, I'm seriously weirded out so I avoid all eye contact and down my free ladies-night beer.

What the hell is all this about? Why does God hate me? I've been a good little atheist, I swear it! This is too much Blast from the Past for my taste. We hates it.

If I run into someone from high school while in Greece, I'm going to throw myself off the cruise ship. I'm better off stranded in the Aegean.

Packing

2005-04-21T14:42:00.000-04:00

I've been packing since I move out of Waterloo on Saturday - FUCKING FINALLY... ahem, sorry. Upon packing, I have realized the following things:

Dust is sneaky. My god, it's everywhere. Three years of dust is really a spectacularly disgusting sight. I consider myself a pretty clean person - Amy and I had the cleanest room in our residence first year. But there are just some areas that don't get dusted regularly, on in my case, at all.
I am a book whore. Between my school books and my pleasure-reading books, I must have the contents of an entire tropical rainforest stashed in this tiny room. Ho-ly crap.
I keep the weirdest things. I've discovered numerous collections of random buttons from random garments, 3 year old half used rolls of Tums, etc.
I have sanitary pads all over my damn room. I've found at least 12 separate pads in 12 separate places - in drawers, between books, under the bed, behind the desk. I have no idea how they got there.
Half of the storage place in this room is taken up by shoes. Christ on a cracker, I have too many shoes. (Okay, it felt wrong and dirty even typing that - there's no such thing as too many shoes).
The amount of school notes that I've accumulated over my lifetime is astounding. And I have a strange panicky dialogue session with myself when I throw them out - well I might need that at some point... true, they're on Hindusim... but I might need that in Behavioural Neuroscience... must keep them... MUST KEEP THEM.

It's been an interesting week. Finals are done, thesis is handed in, and some goodbyes have been exchanged. I'm terribly excited to move back to Montreal.

13 days till I leave for Greece and Turkey. Things just don't get better than this.

Listening to: May You Never - John Martyn

Fear

2005-04-17T21:46:00.000-04:00

How did blog explosion know I have a terrible fear of sharks?! Those bastards!

Listening to: Somebody Told Me - The Killers

Neurotically Compulsive

2005-04-14T13:18:00.000-04:00

Greetings from Procrastination Land.

The last final of my undergrad degree is on Saturday, and I just can't bring myself to care. However, there is an interesting deeply ingrained struggle going on here.

At a conscious level, I know these marks don't really count. I got into grad school, no one is looking at these marks, and I really don't need to keep the straight A average anymore. Sounds reasonable enough. This doesn't mean I'm going to totally blow off studying, just that I don't need to knock myself out with the effort, either.

This, unfortunately, goes against my nature. At an unconscious level, I am and forever will be a completely neurotic over-achiever. I can try as much as I want to convince myself that I can settle for a B, but there's still that nagging feeling of "well, I really could get an A you know... at least an A-, because it won't look too good if my marks just suddenly drop off out of the blue."

And so the panic sets in. The more I fuck around and don't study, the more panicky I am. Then I try to rationalize it with the aforementioned justifications. This never works, of course, because I am hopelessly ingrained with the need to do well.

What this leaves me with is the realization that at least I am intrinsically motivated. I obviously don't feel the need to do well for others, it's just a stupid motivational drive that's been in me since birth - since those first few months where I apparently made it explicitly clear what I wanted and how immediately I wanted it.

I'm a psych student, so of course I'm neurotic and compulsive. I wouldn't want to destroy the stereotype.

Listening to: Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand

Quarter Life Crisis

2005-04-10T13:36:00.000-04:00

Official Countdown till I Leave Waterloo: 12 Days

It's hard to believe that 3 years have flown by so quickly. Time seems to speed up exponentially when you get older. I distinctly remember the exact moment when I realized that time was escaping me faster and faster by the year. I was sitting in my sec 4 (grade 10, for those of you outside of Quebec) homeroom, talking to someone who I now forget, mentioning how I couldn't believe we were already in sec 4 - and that next year we were graduating. Sitting in our little wooden chairs, legs crossed under our maroon and forest green kilts, breathing in that moment of transcendence when you realize your little carefully constructed world is about to balloon out into the unknown.

Well, I have graduated twice more since then, and about to graduate for a third time. The end of my undergraduate degree, the end of Wilfrid Laurier, and the end of Waterloo. My world is constantly ballooning these days, I feel desensitized. I adapt to life-altering changes like a chameleon changes colours to blend into it's environment. After a while, change becomes the norm.

I have mixed feelings about this particular change. I really do hate Waterloo, I feel so isolated here - from the city, from my friends, and from my family. Not to mention the fact that Waterloo constantly smells like ass - the 'Loo and City of Ass, apt nicknames I can assure you. I'm dreadfully tired of Laurier, and it's innate ability to fuck up everything up and make my life as miserable as possible. There are some people here that I will miss. The majority, however, will not be missed. And they won't miss me.

The ambivalence sets in when I think about my life in a broader scope. The end of my undergraduate degree coincides with the ending of a preliminary period. Up to now has been a lead up to my life and career. Maybe I'm over exaggerating, but the undergraduate period is a time to let loose, party, enjoy the benefits of a care-free youth. I feel like I haven't been able to do those things as much as I should, as much as I want - with the end of my undergraduate comes the start of my life. Now it's serious.

I'm simultaneously very excited to start my life: moving back to the city, getting my own apartment, being able to see my friends regularly and often, being within minutes from my family, not having to miss out on certain things because I'm away. I've always been such an independent person, and that will never change. But I'm sad to see my youth slipping away through my fingers while I'm still frantically trying to hold on to it.

Sitting here at my desk, legs crossed in my cotton pajama pants, the early afternoon sunlight sifting through the windows, 6 years after that first moment of transcendence. Living in the moment is so hard to do.

Listening to: All in All - Lifehouse

Boourns for Politics

2005-04-02T19:51:00.000-05:00

::start rant::

I am tired of the following:

1.) Political blogs.

About 80% of the blogs that I surf are based upon some political platform. Conservative, Liberal, the Right, the Left. blah blah blah. 99% are American. Same shit, different blog. NONE of these blogs have anything original to say, it's all the same prejudice and bias and ignorance in subtly different forms. A few may be faintly amusing, but I use 'faintly' and 'amusing' in a very cautious way. Just more thoughtless sheep forcing their blindly accepted hegemony down the collective blogosphere's throat.

Not to mention the uproar over Terri Schiavo. For the life of me I can't conceive of how this has blown to these proportions. Mentions of her and the controversy surrounding her case are EVERYWHERE. It's inescapable, especially on blogs. Yes, there are some moral and ethical issues at stake here - NONE of which are new. These cases occur so often, in such similar forms, and have been politically existent for many years. Why all this hoopla now?

Furtheremore, how come Schiavo's case has received this excess of media attention whereas the Minnesota School Shooting where 9 people were killed has received close to nothing?! Is this old news? Are school shootings now passé? Or is this less important because it took place in a non-white native reserve community?

I'm tired of the fact that these questions are even somewhat relevant. It's sad, it's frustrating, and it's so damn pervasive.

2.) Academic Politics.

So my Thesis Poster Conference (clicky) was on Thursday. It involves making a 40" by 56" inch poster that summarizes your thesis, and as the above pic shows, all the thesis students have their posters on display in the courtyard of the Science Building for faculty and students to peruse for a few hours. I had to stand by my poster for this time and answer any questions from people while also having to give a 10-15 minute presentation of my thesis to two faculty evaluators.

I had found out the day before that my two evaluators were notoriously hard markers. Wonderful, but that's not all: one of the evaluators, let's call him Dr. X, thoroughly dislikes my thesis supervisor and has even attacked her personal life during a meeting. So I basically knew I was going to get a hard time from him. Oh was I mistaken. I got a really hard time from him. He basically reamed me out for 35 minutes, telling me my results were weak, and my conclusions were faulty based on the statistics. He teaches stats, so he spent a good amount of time telling me how bad my stats were. heh. Such a nice fellow!

It was rude, mean-spirited, and completely unnecessary. I'm an undergraduate for fucks sake! Of course I didn't do an analysis of covariance - I don't fucking KNOW how to do one! Yes, it was far from a perfect experiment, but the fact that we managed to pull off some significant results definitely speaks to the relevancy of the manipulation. I was attacked for purely political reasons, and I'm tired of it.

3. (last one, I promise) Relationship Politics.

In friendships and other relationships there can exist those certain unwritten rules - they differ from relationship to relationship, but they're always there. The best relationships involve either very few of these rules, or rules that are explicitly discussed. When there are too many of these rules, the workings of the friendship or other relationships can become far too confusing and frustrating. There are things you want to say or talk about, but you can't because it violates one of those stupid damn rules.

Most of the time I can deal with these minor frustrations, but lately it just seems like it's all piling on top of eachother and driving me up the proverbial wall in the process.

Bah

::end rant::

Listening to: Bohemian Like You - Dandy Warholls

Out of the Darkness

2005-03-25T21:12:00.000-05:00

I watched I Heart Huckabees tonight while I was eating dinner. Very weird movie, but very interesting. I was expecting some sort of amusing story, but it actually an existential investigation.

The characters (Jude Law, Naomi Watts, Mark Whalberg, Dustin Hoffman, etc) are undergoing existential crises, and hire "existential investigators" who actually spy on them and their lives to uncover the source of their despair and suffering. It's not exactly meant to be an affective thought provoker, I think it was partially meant as satire, but it ends up hitting on some really fundamental themes of what it means to be human.

Being and nothingness, interconnectedness, inevitability of suffering, living in the moment, and the fact that we have to live superficial daily lives where we can't always be obssessed with these kinds of questions and themes. That is mainly what I took from Heidegger: the question of being and existence is of course important - everyone has a vague understanding of the question of being - but when you're walking to class/work, you can't be concerned with whether or not the sidewalk exists, or whether or not you're completely distinct from the particles in the sidewalk. You just have to fucking walk on the sidewalk to get where you're going!

We can't live inauthentic lives where we never examine these deeper meanings, but we can't live a life where those deeper meanings become the sole focus and we can never do anything else. Dasein is what dasein does.

So, with that in mind: I've been officially accepted into the Behavioural Neuroscience graduate program at McGill. In like flint. I am a Behavioural Neuroscientist. I am what I am going to do. And I can't wait.

Listening to: Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love

In Between Dreams

2005-03-20T19:05:00.000-05:00

I'm in love with the new Jack Johnson CD: In Between Dreams.

It's deliciously mellow, easy to listen to, and immediately makes me want to sing along despite my treacherous pathetic excuse of a singing voice. His style and sound are similar to John Mayer: the romantic lyrics which make you want to curl up in a warm bed, the strong guitar based melodies, and the caramel-smooth husky sound of Jack Johnson's voice.

I'm particularly enjoying Banana Pancakes:
But baby you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this song
It's meant to keep you
From doing what you're supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes

and Crying Shame:
But it's a growing flame
Using fear as fuel
Burning down our name
And it won't take too long
Words all burn down the same
And who are we going to blame now?
It's such a crying, crying, crying shame

I'm going to listen to it again tonight when I get in bed and start into Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale - I've heard from many sources that it's something I will enjoy. Atwood is always unique, it should be interesting.

Listening to: Better Together - Jack Johnson

Failte

2005-03-17T19:58:00.001-05:00

St. Paddy's Day in a small University down is the drunken equivalent of... well... a drunken party that lasts all day. It is a time to wear green (in my case, my authentic Guinness shirt bought in Ireland), a time to drink some Irish beer (a pint of Kilkenny with dinner, which evidently tastes better from a tap in Kilkenny city), and a time to reminisce. For me specifically, a time to reminisce about my trip to Ireland last summer:

a lovely Guinness poster in a pub in Galway city:

a stormy Connemara - the savage beauty of Irish terrain:

me in front of Kilkenny castle:

breath-taking 300+ meter tall Cliffs of Moher. Pictures can't do it justice. It's an entirely unique experience to stand there and feel so absolutely insignificant:

and now, I think it's time for another pint.

Here's to a long life and a merry one,
A quick death and an easy one,
A cute guy and an honest one,
A cold pint - and another one!

Days Long Gone

2005-03-12T20:20:00.000-05:00

The days where I looked up to my teachers with respect, trusting that they knew more than me and were going to present the material in as much of an un-biased way as possible is evidently long long past. It's possible that it never even existed at all - okay, well, maybe it was true for a few months back in kindergarten.

This semester has already been fruitful in dispelling the myth of professors being objective - i.e. History of Psych prof who thinks natural science psychology represents the Armageddon of the world of science. Unfortunately, I now have another psych prof to add to this every growing list.

My psych of gender prof has never been the sharpest tool in the shed, to use a clichéd cliché. She's a perfect candidate for What Not To Wear and frequently loses track of what she's talking about. I don't particularly enjoy the class either, because the majority of what we talk about it entirely based on stereotypes between men and women. It gets old very quickly, and doesn't provide any particle ways for us to escape the self perpetuation system of these stereotypes.

I don't normally make it habit of challenging professors, because unlike some students I do have respect for them and their position. However, this time my prof's bias was so utterly blatant and it was steering the conversation in a completely unnecessary and useless direction.

She was talking about women in the work force, and how the glass ceiling can sometimes prevent women from attaining higher status positions. Women are grossly outnumbered in executive positions, this is well documented. The prof then asked the class what, if anything, is currently being done to make the work-force a more equitable place. One class member mentioned that some companies are implementing more flexible work schedules in order for women with children to have more flexibility in when they can come in and when they can leave - instead of the strict 9-5.

This was the only potential helpful strategy that we were allowed to discuss. Following this comment, the prof went on a 15 minute schpeil (this is a 50 minute class, so that's a large chunk of the entire class) on how detrimental flexible schedules can be. She started talking about how other people to have to pick up this slack, how much more money it is going to cost the tax-payers. When she was working at a job, she was job-sharing with a lady who always came in late so the prof always had to stay longer and ended up doing the majority of the work. (Sarcasm doesn't generally translate well in text, so read those last few sentences with dripping disdain and sarcasm).

I couldn't believe it. I thought I was going to blow a gasket. I stuck my hand into the hair, and when called upon, said: "I think a main reason that the glass ceiling still exists and that programs to implement things like more flexible work schedules tend to fail in the work-place is due to the exact attitude of fear. Fear of what's going to happen to everyone else, fear of how the non-married women without children are going to be effected, fear of how much more taxes we'll have to pay. Those attitudes are a fundamental problem which needs to be addressed in order to make sure that these programs work out fairly."

I can tell the prof was so pissed, she had this defiant look on her face. She barely waited for me to finish my last syllable when she interjected with: "So you think that attitudes are the only problem and that there are no practical problems with these programs?"

I said: "I never said that at all, and that was far beyond my point. What I said was that fear and such attitudes as you were displaying are a fundamental problem that also needs to be addressed in conjunction with practical problems".

She just looked at me and said: "Well, okay, we have to move on now". Pfft. That's what I thought. She just didn't like hearing that she's afraid and biased.

I was so pissed off for the rest of the day. It's incredible that she was so blatantly biased, trying to pass those biases off on us, denying the issue, trying to put words into my mouth, and completely foregoing an opportunity to talk about how we could work towards ameliorating the work-force.

Days long gone, indeed.

Listening to: Golden Touch - Razorlight

Charity Ball 2005

2005-03-06T22:14:00.000-05:00

Charity Ball was awesome! What's more fun than spending an entire afternoon watching movies, playing Marry Date or Dump, snacking, drinking, primping, and getting ready for a Charity Ball with the girls (and some boys)?

The ballroom was beautiful:

The drinks were plentiful and deliciously full of alcohol, and we all looked stunning:

We danced for numerous hours on perilously high heels (okay, well mine were perilously high), to those great favourite songs that everyone knows and sings along to - Sweet Caroline, Usher, Bon Jovi, Like A Prayer, Mona Mona (hey motherfucker get laid get fucked!). A large portion of the time was spent trying to get me in a picture with a guy in the back ground who had fashioned his hair à-la Flock of Seagulls - "it's Flock of Seagulls guy! QUICK! Get my camera!!!"

It was a great night, despite stumbling home in the AM with blistered feet - the price I will gladly pay for fabulous Nine West red crocodile shoes ;)

(I'm the red-head - dyed temporarily to match the shoes and purse. heh.)

Listening to: Canned Heat - Jamiroquai

Compassion, Moderation, Humility

2005-03-03T15:51:00.000-05:00

I finished Lamb last night. I was really surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

Not only was it hilarious (I read the majority on the train ride back to Waterloo, and often burst out laughing which incited much rubberneck gawking by other passengers), but it was also quite poignant and touching. Moore took a 30-year gap in Jesus' life as depicted by the Bible, and managed to create a unique and hilarious spin on an old and sometimes redundant story.

Moore has Jesus take a trip out east where he learns Hindu and Buddhist philosophy - not only is the image of Jesus living in a Buddhist monastery learning martial arts terribly comical (how Moore explicates the origins of Judo: Jew-dô), but the philosophical relationship between Buddhist beliefs what Jesus preached are similar in many instances. Moore also corrects some common misunderstandings: no where in the Bible does it mention that Mary Magdalene is in fact a prostitute.

I found myself to be deeply moved and touched by the ending of the book - we follow Jesus from age 8 to his death through the eyes of his best friend. The anguish and the sorrow and the anger of his martyrdom are often not appreciated when we are bashed over the head with this story so many times. Moore captured the sense of betrayal and anguish, while also leaving room for a little hope.

All this is said in acceptance that none of it may be historically accurate. I'm atheist, but that doesn't have to stop me from being touched by a well written story. I think that's partly what I love about reading so much: the fact that books make me feel. Even if it's a feeling of sorrow, it still essentially feels good just to feel.

Listening to: World on Fire - Sarah McLaughlan

City Girl

2005-02-22T17:39:00.000-05:00

I'm a city girl: I admit this and revel in it.

It doesn't take long when I'm back in Montreal to remind me how much I love this city, how much I miss it, and as a result, how much Ontario fucking sucks. I've been "accepted in principle" to the Behavioural Neuroscience Masters/PhD program at McGill. This means that I will be moving back to Montreal in May, and pursuing my graduate studies in September. I've been working really hard to get into this program - my neuroses have been operating in full tilt, and I'm slightly less sane than I was this time last year. So thankfully it'll all be worth it.

I've been ripping through books so far, one of the things I adore about spring break: I can sleep in and spend the day reading and watching movies in my jammies. Good times.

I thoroughly enjoyed Ender's Shadow: it's interesting to see Ender's Game through Bean's perspective. I'm also re-reading Seduced By Midnight by Laurell K. Hamilton, since the new Merry Gentry book is coming out in April. I'm just about to start Lamb by Christopher Moore - click on the title in the sidebar for more info. It looks terribly hilarious. After that, it's Metamorphosis by Kafka. Good times.

Listening to: Why Georgia - John Mayer

Day of Death

2005-02-17T13:49:00.000-05:00

Today is the day the rats are being euthanized and their organs harvested for cellular analysis.

I'm terribly sad - I've been working with these boys for about 5 months now. As stressful as it was at some points, I nevertheless grew to love the little guys. I was there when they were born, yet I couldn't bring myself to be there when they die. Watching them get put in the rat-guillotine would just be too much for me to bear.

My thesis supervisor understands, and she told us we could bring the rats a little treat before they're euthanized. I bought a bag of M&Ms on my way to class this morning, and took it with me to see the boys. I gave them all a hug and a kiss, and a few M&Ms, and left. It's the last time I'll see them.

This is Jeff, wet after being put in the water maze. We love him, even if he was a psycho gay molester rat.

This is a bunch of the boys as babies, a few weeks old:

R.I.P boys, we'll miss you.

Thankfully reading week (spring break, just not in the spring) starts tomorrow - to cheer me up and provide a temporary relief from the Hell that is Waterloo.

Listening to: Warning - Incubus

Anti-Science Prejudice

2005-02-13T14:06:00.000-05:00

I have heard good things about The Tao of Pooh, and can generally keep an open mind about perspectives and paradigms differing from what I personally identify with. However, anti-science prejudice seems to be blatantly in my face these days. It's starting to annoy me.

I am taking a pre-requisite History of Psychology course this semester, and the prof admits to having a bias against the natural science side of psychology - the side of which I of course happen to prefer. Admitting his bias doesn't do much to curb how it manifests in the teaching style, however, and the prof takes every chance he can get to shit on natural science psych: John Watson was a manipulative anti-ethical evil man, "science" seeks to alienate the individual, "science" is blind to human emotion, "science" prides itself on a false sense of objectivity. Yes, okay, fine - some of these comments are based in truth and these criticisms need to be made. But focusing solely on these aspects of natural science psych and ignoring the numerous beneficial aspects is just plain ignorant.

So that is what I have to deal with 3 times a week: blah blah blah natural science is evil, blah blah blah science sucks. There's only so much of that I can take, and I don't need to see it reflected in books I'm reading for pleasure.

The Tao of Pooh is similarly afflicted with blatant, uninformed, prejudiced views of science.

"the Brain, the Academician, the dry-as-dust Absentminded Professor. Far from reflecting the Taoist ideal of wholeness and independence, this incomplete and unbalanced creature divides all kinds of abstract things into little categories and compartments while remaining rather helpless and disorganized in his daily life" (25).

"It is very hard to find any of the spirit of Taoism in the lifeless writings of the humorless Academic Mortician, whose bleached-out Scholarly Dissertations contain no more of the character of Taoist wisdom than does the typical wax museum" (26).

"The Confusionist, Desiccated Scholar is one who studies Knowledge for the sake of Knowledge, and who keeps what he learns to himself or to his own small group, writing pompous and pretentious papers that no one else can understand, rather than working for the enlightenment of others" (26).

etc. It goes on endlessly in similar manners.

So, as scientists, we are: incomplete, unbalanced, helpless, disorganized, humorless, wisdomless, pompous, pretentious, and of course, MALE.

This smacks of generalizations, prejudice, hate, misinformation, hypocrisy, a complete lack of a desire to be understanding and tolerant of opposing positions, and not to mention condescending as all fuck. This from someone promoting a life-philosophy of enlightenment?

Pardon me while I vomit my scientific lifelessness and arrogance all over this piece of hypocritical hate "literature".

Listening to: Secret - Maroon 5

Murphy's Law

2005-02-09T17:25:00.000-05:00

If Murphy is still alive, I am personally going to hunt him down and torture him for an extended period of time.

We started the behavioural testing of my rats yesterday for my thesis: the apparatus is called the water maze, where the rat is placed in a pool of water and it has to find a hidden platform - it's a measure of memory (clicky here to see a pic of one my rats taking a wee swim).

Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. I mean everything. I can't even begin to list it all, it would be incredibly tedious and only depress me further.

Yesterday I spent 10 hours running the rats in the maze - I didn't get to eat at all, and got home at 6:30 pm with 2 midterms to study for. Today I skipped both of my classes and ran rats for about 5 hours. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed beyond belief. My thesis supervisor didn't properly explain the procedure to us and freaked out at me when we were doing it wrong. My back and leg muscles kill from bending and cleaning. I got rat blood on my shirt. I permanently smell rat shit everwhere I go, and am paranoid that I have some stuck to my pants or something.

I have to go in tomorrow, friday, SATURDAY, and all next week. I can't handle this. Thank god for reading week (spring break) coming up, hopefully I don't have a nervous breakdown before then.

I don't often whine, but Murphy's Law brings the whiner out in the best of us.

Listening to: The Hardest Button to Button - The White Stripes

Addiction

2005-02-04T16:42:00.000-05:00

I'm officially declaring that I have an addiction.

Addicted to what, you may ask. Crack? No. Porn? Hardly. Booze? No... at least I don't think so.
Books. Yes, it's books. I'm addicted to books, and addicted to reading. I freely admit it.

Last weekend my roommate Amy (the non-raging-bitch one) and I went to a movie and then meandered on over to Chapters. I had a gift certificate from Christmas, and used it to purchase 4 books. I didn't think that was too extravagant, seeing as my book pile was running somewhat low. Today was such a spectacularly gorgeous day - warm but crisp, sunny, and just delightful. On my way home from class, I decided to swing buy the corner store and rent a movie. After doing so, I spied the second hand bookstore in the same complex and thought I would just go in and wander around - and not buy anything.

So much for that. I bought 5 books. Granted, one was a gift. But that still makes 9 books in one week. It's a problem, I just can't stop myself. It won't take me too long to go through them, and I can bring some to Greece with me. But still. I'm trying to save my money, and when faced with books, I suddenly have a complete loss of self-control.

These are the books I bought:

Ender's Shadow - Orson Scott Card

Speaker for the Dead - Orson Scott Card

Lamb - Christopher Moore

Hegemony or Survival - Noam Chomsky (I have a previous entry about this book)

The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka

The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

The Tao of Pooh - Benjamin Hoff

The Regulators - Richard Bachman (aka Stephen King)

The Gunslinger, Dark Tower 1 - Stephen King (for Amy)

Oi. Crack would have been an easier and less time consuming addiction.

Listening to: Drama Queen - HorrorPops

Hell is Other People

2005-02-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

"Please wipe the counter!!"

oh god, no. Not again. Yes, again. Ms.-I'm-Such-A-Raging-Bitch roommate decides to leave another note taped to the ledge of the counter. I can barely even begin to express how much this pisses me off.

Apparently we are all 5 year old children who need to be reminded to clean up after ourselves. We are very clean compared to other students housing, or compared to a lot of other people period. She needs to relax and de-clench her excessively retentive anus.
She is such a fucking hypocrite! I clean up a lot of the messes that she leaves behind, what right does she have to bitch about crumbs on the goddamn counter?! I don't leave notes saying "Clean up your fucking dishes, bitch!" taped to the sink.
No one is perfect. We all clean up after eachother to some degree, it's just what happens when you live with 4 other girls. Welcome to real life.
She is so inconsiderate about tons of other things. For example, coming home from the bar plastered at 3 am and proceeding to blast the TV with all her friends and getting fucking bitchy when we ask her to keep it down. How about I take a shit on the counter, would that be about fair?

I am so glad I only have a few more weeks left to deal with her. Then it's bye-bye-annoying-bitch-ass roommate.

Official Countdown to Graduation and Getting the Fuck Out of Waterloo:
9 weeks

Listening to: Where Is My Mind - The Pixies

Movie Meme

2005-01-29T13:20:00.000-05:00

I'm procrastinating.

For those of you who know me well, you must surely be lacing up your skates for a long day of ice-skating in Hell. I stumbled upon this little interactive movie-quote game on someone else's blog, and decided it was too fun to pass up.

Pick 13 movies that you enjoy.
Pick a line of dialogue that you like.
As people guess the film, strike out that entry (Post your guesses as comments)
NO cheating!!! That means NO: Google, IMDb, etc.!

1.
Oh, I hated the Colonel with his wee BEADY eyes! and that smug look on his face, 'Oh! You're gonna buy my chicken, OHHH!
Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?
Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart ass! Answer: So I Married an Axe-Murderer

2.
Hes an asshole, sir Major Asshole.
Then whos he?
He's an asshole too, sir.
I knew it, Im surrounded by assholes. Keep firing, assholes! Answer: Spaceballs

3.
I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down, but it is not this day. This day, we fight! Answer: Return of the King

4.
How do you define real? If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. Answer: The Matrix

5.
TOE PICK! Answer: The Cutting Edge

6.
There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over, in to true corruption, into our domain. For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it. And we will send you to whatever god you wish. Answer: Boondock Saints (I LOVE this movie)

7.
Just remember that God never dumps more on us than we can handle.
Oh, is that available stitched on a pillow somewhere?

8.
Oh Louis, Louis, still whining Louis. Have you heard enough? Ive had to listen to that for centuries! Dont be afraid, Im going to give you the choice I never had. Answer: Interview With the Vampire

9.
I am Jacks complete lack of surprise. Answer: Fight Club

10.
PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?
Why does it say paper jam when there is NO paper jam? I swear to god, one of these days Im just going to kick this piece of shit out the window! Answer: Office Space

11.
You were martyred?
That's one way of putting it. Another way of putting it would be to say that I was bludgeoned to death by a huge fucking rock. Answer: Dogma

12.
This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun. Answer: Full Metal Jacket

13.
What about the ROUS's?
Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist. Answer: The Princess Bride

One left to go! Thanks to everyone who's played :D

Listening to: Dare You To Move - Switchfoot

Meaning in the Monolith

2005-01-26T17:35:00.000-05:00

School stresses me out. I work very hard. But I do well: Dean's List both consecutive years, on my way towards a third. School can consume my every waking thought. During crunch time, I'm either working, thinking about working, or wondering what work I could be doing. It's far from pleasant to feel this way, but it's just how I operate to get what I want out of my life. I'm fully prepared, and committed, to making these sacrifices.

Sometimes, a rare day will come along where I can set all this aside and take a step back. This has happened to me in the past few days.

Yesterday we finished enriching and impoverishing the rats for my undergraduate thesis experiment (clicky to see my adorable rats) . Today we tossed some of the rats into the elevated plus maze and started the behavioural testing. Essentially, today we started collecting the data to see if the 3 months of working with those rats 5 days a week will pay off. There have been many set backs - people's general incompetence, the lack of the uridine diet, an animal having to be put down, changes to our experiment rooms, etc. As Christine and I were sitting around while cutie rat #7 was in the maze, I began to change my perspective.

Instead of focusing on all the nitty gritty details of what's gone wrong, how it could fuck up the results and remove any chance of publication, of how much I've dedicated to this, how hard I've worked on it, how sleep deprived and exhausted I am, I realized how much fun I've been having. Yes, fun! Christine and I have had so many hilariously fun moments with our rats: cooped up in a tiny room with the critters running all over us. We always manage to laugh and have a general good time.

I get to be a part of this scientific community: instead of just reading about theories and experiments, I've been fortunate enough to be able to do my own. To test theories I'm interested in, to carry out my own experiment, to contribute to the general scientific knowledge. The topic of my thesis has serious potential therapeutic uses for people with aging related memory deficits. This isn't some meaningless project strictly for a grade. This means something, and I realized that today.

While University life can be fake, and contrived, and monolithic, it can also be such a great environment to challenge and enrich your own life. I love it when I come hope skipping because I'm just about ready to explode with knowledge. I love it when I get a chance to think in a different way, to learn something I find so fascinating that I just want to run home so I can talk to someone about it. Of course, there's hardly every anyone that I can talk to about it, but that doesn't always matter. What matters is I know how to appreciate what I'm fortunate enough to receive, and I'm lucky enough to be able to enjoy it.

Listening to: Raven - Dave Matthews Band

An Ample Dose of Cynicism

2005-01-22T14:54:00.000-05:00

Are things really so much better today than they were 50-60-70 years ago? I'm really not sure.

A lot of people who were born around the same time as myself, the early 80s, and who were raised in similar middle to upper class environments, have been fortunate enough to lead fairly privileged lives. As such, this privilege, whether we are conscious of it or not, has shaped how we interpret the world around us. Because some of us grew up in quite egalitarian communities, a lot of us seem to think that things are generally like this all over. It's ignorance, but it is not a malicious form of ignorance. I think it speaks to the benefits that we have been lucky enough to experience in our lives. Unfortunately, it limits us from really appreciating the reality of our culture, and consequently limits us in working towards making any changes.

Yes, there are many many instances of improvement. I cannot and will not deny this. The simple fact that I am attending a University, about to graduate and continue on to a PhD, speaks loudly and clearly for itself. However, I cannot and will not deny the fact that there are many many instances that desperately still need improvement. I experience this on a daily basis, most often in simple discussions between individuals. There is still so much ignorance, and deeply ingrained beliefs, that still persist from 50-60-70 years ago.

The reason for this rant: Dr. Summers, the President of Harvard University, recently provided a shining example of what I'm talking about.

"At the Jan. 14 conference, at the National Bureau of Economic Research, a nonprofit economic research organization in Cambridge, Dr. Summers angered several of the women present, one of whom walked out, by suggesting that innate gender differences may explain why fewer women succeed in science and math careers." (Source)

"Dr Summers had told the private conference on the position of women and minorities in science and engineering that women's reluctance to work long hours because of child-care responsibilities was behind them not performing as well in the sciences. He also said boys outperform girls on high school science and maths scores because of genetic difference. As an example, he told the conference about giving his daughter two trucks. She treated them like dolls, and named them mummy and daddy trucks, he said." (Source)

The fucking President of Harvard University. Arguing for genetic based inferiority of women in science. Priceless. Of course he's recanting like a son of a bitch, but that means nothing: he said what he said because he believed it.

Have things changed? Yes. Have they changed significantly? No, I don't think so. It wears me down, it makes me sick, and it's so hard to fight against when it's so deeply ingrained the minds of so many people. Even women themselves: the ones who know nothing about feminism, but are so afraid of what they think they know about it. "I'm not a feminist, but...". It's so frustrating.

Some days I feel like there's a chance for things to change. Then something like this happens, and I realize how pointless it is to hope. I think I need another Cosmo:

Listening to: Shit on the Radio - Nelly Furtado

The Wall

2005-01-18T14:54:00.000-05:00

I was reading my book today, Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, and this passage really struck me. I think it speaks for itself:

"The next day he passed Alai in the corridor, and they greeted eachother, touched hands, talked, but they both knew that there was a wall now. It might be breached, that wall, sometime in the future, but for now the only real conversations between them was the roots that had already grown low and deep, under the wall, where they could not be broken.

The most terrible thing, though, was the fear that the wall could never be breached, that in his heart Alai was glad of the separation, and was ready to be Ender's enemy. For now that they could not be together, they must be infinitely apart, and what had been sure and unshakable was now fragile and insubstantial; from the moment we are not together, Alai is a stranger, for he has a life how that will be no part of mine, and that means that when I see him we will not know each other".

Listening to: Delicate - Damien Rice

Watch out, Greek boys!

2005-01-14T19:34:00.000-05:00

Greece is a go.

My friend Elisa and I are taking a 10 day cruise of Turkey and Greece in May. There are no words to express my excitement. My parents have given me a budget as my graduation gift, and it's up to us to make the arrangements. We discovered this website called Contiki Tours: it's an organized tour trips for 18-35 year olds. The prices are extremely reasonable.

This is the itinerary of the trip we're taking:

Athens at Leisure and Sail to Istanbul: This morning is free - later we board our cruise ship to set sail for Istanbul. Cruise (B,D,S)

Cruising to Istanbul: Today enjoy the amenities of our cruise ship as we sail through the Dardanelles arriving in Istanbul in the early evening. Cruise (B,L,D,S)

Istanbul and the Bosphorus: Explore this exciting city or shop in the Grand Bazaar where there are more than 4,000 shops. Istanbul is a breathtaking sight where East meets West. Why not visit the Blue Mosque and the Topkapi Palace museum. We depart this evening for Mykonos. Cruise (B,L,D,S)

Mykonos: We arrive at the island of white-washed houses and blue domed churches. Enjoy the sunset over Little Venice and soak up the atmosphere before returning to the ship to sail for Patmos. Cruise (B,L,D,S)

Patmos and Kusadasi (Turkey): We arrive at Patmos, where St John is reputed to have written the book of Revelation. This afternoon we dock at Kusadasi, explore the bazaar or take an excursion to the ancient ruins of Ephesus. Cruise (B,L,D,S)

Kusadasi to Rhodes: A day to explore this island, home to the Colossus of Rhodes. Legend says it was over 100ft high and straddled the harbour. Cruise (B,L,D,S)

Rhodes to Santorini via Heraklion (Crete): We dock in Crete, the biggest of the Greek Islands before sailing for Santorini. This spectacular volcanic island is in the Cycladic chain of islands. Enjoy Fira and its narrow paved streets with plenty of opportunity to shop in the many boutiques. Cruise (B,L,D,S)

Depart Athens: After breakfast we disembark for our transfer to our centrally located Athens hotel where your tour ends.

We're also thinking about sticking around Greece for a little while afterwards, doing the Hostel thing. EEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I can't wait.

Listening to: Test of Time - Rubberman

Where Have All The Sartre Readers Gone?

2005-01-11T15:44:00.000-05:00

Philosophy (of Sex, Love, and Friendship) class today brought home a few lessons about University life. The prof is a rather amusing man, who has a distinctly blunt way of phrasing things. The material is relatively enjoyable, but the prof makes it much more amusing - who would have thought Plato's Symposium could be amusing?

The first lesson is as follows:

In the words of my entertainingly blunt prof: "University is not where you go to become intelligent. University is where you go to become over educated". I was the only one who burst out laughing. This was just a perfectly apt way of wording what I've always felt about higher education. I once made the error of assuming people in University would be more intelligent, and would actually want to be there and want to learn. I was grossly mistaken. University is, generally, just the place where stupid people go to fornicate with other stupid people. Every now and then there are genuinely driven and intelligent people - but that is far from the general case.

The second lesson is as follows:

We're starting to look at Sartre's Being and Nothingness, so the prof asked if anyone had read any Sartre before. Assuming there are going to be other people, I confidently stick my hand up in the air. Out of a class of 100+, I'm the only one with my hand up. All eyes turn to me. It's so terribly sad - only ONE person in a 2nd year Philosophy course who's ever read any Sartre? What's wrong with the world?

I'm starting to feel like I'm the last sane person in a world of insanity. Technically, I guess that makes me the insane one.

Listening to: Babylon - David Gray

Pity Thyself

2005-01-10T17:24:00.000-05:00

Self-pity is one of the worst feelings. Pain dissipates, sadness passes, anger fades, disappointment is surpassed. Self-pity lingers; it latches on to you and ingrains itself into your daily cognitive processes, slowly eating away at pre-established structures of self-esteem, confidence, and happiness.

I consider myself a fairly confident person with respect to who I am: I generally have moderate to high self esteem, more so/less so in certain areas - as most individuals do. On the relatively rare occasions where I start feeling bad for myself, the pity is particularly damaging. It's like a virus that floats through the blood-stream, attacking any self-confidence cells. Eating away at them painfully slowly until a persistent sense of doubt is implanted. In one instance where someone I had mistakenly trusted demonstrated why this was an error in judgment on my part, I now find myself doubting almost all other relationships that I have with people.

Add that to a torn tendon in my foot with a possible stress fracture, and you get one unhappy neurotic psych student. Fortunately, it's not as bad as it sounds. There are quite a few positive things in my life right now - enjoying my classes (pre-stress period, of course), I'm going on a 2 week trip to Turkey and Greece on a cruise ship with a friend in May, and I can still count on a few friends to be there for me.

The trick is to up the endogenous anti-self-pity white blood cells to battle off the virus. Whenever you feel that nagging sensation of doubt, put it in check and examine it from another perspective. Easier said than done, clichés be damned, but nevertheless effective if you try hard enough.

I'm now going to take my poor little torn-tendon mistrusting self off to kitchen for dinner. Yay.

Listening to: The Remedy - Jason Mraz

Pissed

2005-01-08T23:22:00.000-05:00

I’m pissed. I’m pissed that I’m pissed. I’m even more pissed because I know the anger is just a cover up for being hurt. I have no right to be hurt and/or pissed. If I had had the opportunity I would have done the same thing. I think it also pisses me off that I didn’t have the opportunity. I feel cheap, I feel sorry for myself, I feel like nothing. I hate it, and I hate it that it gets to me. It shouldn’t. I think it partially gets to me because it destroyed a small illusion that I was allowing myself to indulge in: it was safe because I knew I had control over the situation. That safeness allows me to experience something that I feel I need, without having to compromise some other things. It’s selfish, so why am I feeling this way? If I really did have control, I wouldn’t be affected like this. My little sense of control, my little constructed situation, was just completely shattered. I think I’m through with it, and it’s hypocritical of me – not to mention really mean. It just won’t be the same anymore, it’s broken – and I’ll always feel that it is. I can’t be fake, I hated having to swallow it and not show how it affected me. I hate this. I’m so mad. I keep thinking about, imagining every little detail – thinking about what I was doing, what I was feeling. Fuck it. Fuck it all.

Last Undergraduate Semester

2005-01-05T20:52:00.000-05:00

My classes are shaping up to be rather interesting this semester: Thesis class, History of Psychology, Seminar in Biopsychology, Psychology of Gender, and Philosophy of Sex, Love and Friendship. It seems like this will be a paper writing semester: only a few tests and only 2 finals, but 8 or 9 papers. Ick. Carpal tunnel, here I come.

I do generally like the atmosphere of academia - especially since I am a senior student, taking mostly 3rd-4th year classes. I detest the stress of school, and the daily complications and neuroses that I suffer from because of it, but I thoroughly enjoy the sense of intelligent, intellectual, and informed atmosphere of University where I can learn and discuss what I'm learning. I notice a distinct lack of opportunity to discuss the subjects I'm interested in outside of the University arena with other people - therefore I sincerely appreciate the ability to analyze these really fascinating topics with other individuals in the same atmosphere. If I start talking about the relationship between uridine and the neurological substrates of aging in the hippocampus, or Michel Foucault's panopticon from a postfeminist perspective, I lose people quite quickly.

What I detest about academia is the inescapable fact that sometimes you have to deal with the utter incompetence of other individuals that inevitably fucks up something you're trying to do. This is true for non-academic fields as well, to all fields I suppose, but I really feel it with respect to conducting research. Over the Christmas holidays, it appears that our experiment have been totally fucked with: the research assistant that was being paid to keep up the environmental sessions barely showed up. The rats were barely handled. No weight data was marked. Rats were put in the wrong cages with the wrong diet. I can't even describe how horrible this is: worse, it was out of my control. We did everything we could before the holidays to ensure the RA knew what he had to do. He chose not to show up, and to do a half-assed job when he did.

Moral of this story = other people suck.

Listening to: Flake - Jack Johnson

Drunken Scrabble

2005-01-04T10:26:00.000-05:00

So I uploaded my Christmas pictures. This is what happens when I combine my family + alcohol + scrabble:

and last but not least: Merry Fucking Christmas!

Listening to: I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness

The Holidays, 2004

2005-01-01T13:38:00.000-05:00

And so the New Year begins - I hope everyone has a happy, healthy, and safe 2005 :)

Though I am not feeling the best I ever felt this morning, which is good and bad in itself, I decided to make a list of some of the things I'd like to remember about The Holidays, 2004. New Years itself is really just another day to me, and it does not bear much importance in my life. The year of 2004 contained many very important moments for me, many sad moments, many happy moments, many relaxed moments, and many I'm-so-stressed-I-want-to-pull-my-hair-out moments. I made some new friends, in some very unexpected ways, and tightened some already established friendships. It was a year like any other, though better than some. I am deeply looking forward to what 2005 has to offer me, a lot will be decided.

This past holiday season, however, has been very meaningful: mainly due to the presence of family and friends. And even sometimes both simultaneously. Right now, this is what I'd like to focus on. This is what stuck in my mind in regards to The Holidays, 2004:

"Merry Fucking Christmas" from the Bougies

Recycle bin looking very much like a wine bottle recycling plant - average 4 bottles a night.

"You're making baby Jesus cry"

Maracas in Church

"The red Ninja Turtle is so the Boss turtle"

"I like green beans and I cannot lie" ... "with a string bean in your face"

Electric.... EELS!

Scrabble: "Don't swear in front of your kids!" - "Yeah, one of them just spelt 'boner' for 12 points!"

Twat Team theme music

Mike's Wonder Woman barbie

Fantasy Princess jewlery set

Two Maroon 5's

"He couldn't crap his pants, they were pulled up too high!"

"aaaahhhhh FREAK OUT"

BLARNK

Ice skating with 8 year olds who were ten times better

Best of all: Mike managed to make his first Christmas in 3 years without puking in a van! WHOO :D

Listening to: The Blower's Daughter - Damian Rice

Hegemony or Survival

2004-12-11T22:47:00.000-05:00

Saw Ocean's 12 tonight, it was quite enjoyable. I laughed a lot - nice to get out of the Final mind-set even for a few hours. Afterwards, we skipped on over to Chapters - my home away from home - to peruse our little bibliophile hearts out.

I recently recommended Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance by Noam Chomsky to a friend, not having read it myself but having heard a great deal about it and having discussed it in my Feminist Theory course. While waiting for Amy to crawl out of the darkest corner of the store where she seems to enjoy hiding from me everytime we go shopping, I picked it up and started reading. Within 2 pages I had already formed these conclusions:

Darwin's theory of evolution does not apply today, in a Western First World context. Today, being smart and going against the herd ensures the obliteration of our species. Cockroaches are undoubtedly less intelligent than humans, but they are much more effective at procreating. In North America, being smart and going against the dominant ideology and hegemony is a very difficult task in which a great deal of adversity is met. Smart people are procreating less and less. Stupid people procreate like cockroaches - pests that are a plague on our planet. We encounter the need to adhere to hegemony on a daily basis, it's really shocking to think of all the ways in which we unconsciously participate in this system. It's to the point where refusing to be hailed by the dominant ideology results in the inability to function as we would normally like to on a daily basis.

From 2 pages. After Christmas, I am definitely buying that book.

Listening to: Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional

Stupidity and Death

2004-12-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

I hate stupid disrespectful people.

On Thursday I was sitting in psych class, trying to pay attention to the last lecture. These three annoying bitches behind me were talking and laughing loudly through the entire lecture. It's so goddamn rude and disrespectful to the entire class, let alone to the professor. He is a really genuinely nice guy, who tries to make rather dull information as interesting as possible. He goes out of his way to help students with the material, and that's how he is repaid: annoying bitches talking over him the entire time he's trying to teach. He's too nice of a man to yell at them, but I felt like turning around and popping those bitches in the jaw. If you want to talk, get up and fucking LEAVE. Better yet, don't even bother coming to class. Even better yet, throw yourself off a cliff and do society a favour.

On a less angry and a more sad kind of note, we had to put one of the rats to sleep this week. I am very sad. We had noticed a bald spot on his neck a few weeks ago, and it spread to his shoulders - it was an infection. Apparently he was in pain, so they put him to sleep to avoid further discomfort for the little guy. I miss him. I'm also worried about Laurier's shitty facilities fucking up my thesis.

I need another glass of this merlot.

Listening to: Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

Almost There

2004-11-26T22:05:00.000-05:00

One week left of term. Winter has arrived. This translates into stress and cold. The light at the end of the deep dark tunnel of Exam Period is the Holidays: seeing my family, my prodigal brother, my friends, and engaging in all those good holiday family traditions. I'm extremely excited for all the above, as well as to simply plop my bubble butt down on the couch and vegetating all day long. Oh lovely blissful relaxation.

As for books, since I seem to have been neglecting this topic lately, just finished Stardust by Neil Gaiman. I loved it. It was beautifully written, captivating, and touching. He's a fabulous writer, I have loved everything he has written. I started in on Dime Store Magic by Kelley Armstrong. I love her books as well, part of the Women of the Underworld series. With all the work I have to do right now, I've still managed to read 3/4 of it this week. To the detriment of my sleep schedule, however. I haven't decided what's next, but as usual, I have about 10 books hanging around to choose from.

Listening to: Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5

Rat Revenge

2004-11-19T13:45:00.000-05:00

I love my rats. Today we began the exercising of the enriched rats: they all get to play together in the enriched room, which is filled with toys and interesting things for them to play with. We have affectionately coined this room the "Ghetto Enrichment Room", and this is why:

notice the rusty cages and the empty chemical waste containers. With my luck, the rats are going to get tetnus and die on us.

Unfortunately, after having 20 minutes to play in the room, the rats really don't want to leave. So they hide under anything they can squeeze between. When you do manage to nab them, they piss and shit all over you as a form of revenge. I had to go to stats class smelling like rat piss, it was lovely.